Thursday, May 29, 2008

Welch all but locks up maglia nero

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- While the battle to win this year's Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream is still way up in the air, DS Jeff Welch has all but ensured his quest to win the battle at the other end of the GC: the maglia rosa or numero nero. While winning the GC takes determination, strength and luck, those riders who find themselves in contention to be the last placed slot on the GC must use wit, cunning and guile to win the race for last. A stunning stage win by DS Charles Hicks' Team Straightouttamyass has wrecked his chances to be in contention for the coveted black number and handed apparent victory to Welch.

In other news, Team Far North has become deeply embroiled in scandal as they have admitted to receiving to many points for their performance in stage 17. Earlier today, Bennett released this statement:

To further enshrine the spirit of competition and sportsmanship I would like to point out that FADA was simply doing their job, though I would ask that testers not report all the extracurricular activities they may have witnessed at the hotel. I would like to further solidify my popular place in UFCI history by reporting that, once again, there have been scoring errors made with team Far North for stage 17. Though these scoring errors will certainly spell my doom come this weekend, I feel it necessary to 'ride clean'.

Charles Bennett, DS - Far North

An internal investigation by the UFCI has revealed that there may have been collusion between Bennett and several UFCI officials in a "points for prostitutes" setup. The UFCI would not release the names of the implicated officials, but has assured the press that they are no longer officiating the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream. No sanctions have been made against Team Far North as the UFCI is likely to try to discretely put this matter to rest.

The battle for the overall win begins tomorrow as the roads turn upward for the final weekend of the race. All eyes are on DS Todd Braswell as he looks to be poised to unleash fire and brimstone in a bid to win it in the mountains.

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