Sunday, April 27, 2008

Hesterberg hesitates, Dyer dominates La Doyenne

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - Max Dyer surged clear of the field to take Liege-Bastogne-Liege with panache and brilliance. Dyer surged clear of an elite group of three that included Jeff Welch and John McMenemy, as well. Dyer seems to have shaken off the anguish and pain of his untrue doping allegations after his Paris-Roubaix brilliance by bookending the last weeks of the classics season.

John McMenemy just nipped Jeff Welch at the line eeking out a slim 10 pt advantage. The rest of the field, including Howard Hesterberg, languished behind the three escapees. The gap proved too large to close, turning the remnants of this record-sized fantasy peloton to a field of also-rans.

Welch made a statement following the race expressing bitter disappointment at the waste of what he thought would prove to be the legs needed to win.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

On the edge of Liege

Sean Kelly, 1984, Liege-Bastogne-Liege (from Bobkestrut)

The fantasy cycling peloton is all aflutter trying to make their picks for tomorrow's L-B-L. The cagey veterans are starting to feel the nerves, too. The second guessing going on right now over who could possibly still have the energy and the will to make it across tomorrow's finish line first is indescribable. It's like trying to figure out which pair of underwear to wear for your senior prom. Given the right circumstances, that decision could be life altering, so you'd better get it right.

To up the ante, Luna Cycles is pleased to announce that up for grabs to the winner of tomorrow's fantasy race is the just released Specialized Classics t-shirt. I haven't seen it yet, but Jeff assures me it is "badass". Mandatory drug testing will be in effect, so keep it clean! Good luck and get those picks in by 5am (John and Peter).

Thursday, April 24, 2008

A bitter pill indeed

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - Still smarting from his near miss at Fleche Wallone, Ron Swenson has put in his picks for L-B-L. "I will be shattered if [Howard Hesterberg] pulls off the sweep that he predicted!" said the gutsy newcomer to the fantasy peloton. Hesterberg, along with many other fantasy cyclists have been keeping a low profile as they make final preparations for Sunday's race. While Swenson has shown the exuberance of youth by making his picks with 2 days still left before the race, it can only be assumed that the cagier and more experienced fantasy cyclists are taking their time to assess the toll that these past two weeks of racing have taken on the riders.

Max Dyer may be the dark horse favorite for this race. Still bruised and battered from defending himself against spurious doping allegations following his huge win of the fantasy Paris-Roubaix, Liege represents his last bid for redemption in this year's spring classics. Or is the lackluster performance that he turned in at La Fleche the sign that his Paris-Roubaix was a mere flash of brilliance in what may eventually be regarded as a banal and pedestrian fantasy cycling career?

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Hesterberg repeats!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - He called his shot early this week coming off of a big win at Amstel Gold and now, Howard Hesterberg is now two-thirds of the way to sweeping this last week of the spring classics season. The fatigue of taking Amstel Gold in a near sweep of the podium must have taken a toll as the grand old man of the peloton just barely edged out Ron Swenson. Hesterberg could muster no better than a 4th and 5th place fantasy pick, but it was just enough to beat out Swenson's 4th and 6th place picks!

Next up is this Sunday's Liege-Bastogne-Liege, La Doyenne. This is the last of the Ardennes classics and has been contested since 1892. After this one, the classics season is pretty much drawn to a close. Get your picks in by 5 am Sunday morning! All eyes are on Hesterberg! Will he crack under the pressure?

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Fantasy La Fleche

We need 4 more riders to make the field for tomorrow's fantasy Fleche Wallone! Howard Hesterberg has thrown down the gauntlet by stating his intention to sweep this final week of the major spring classics. Hving already taken Amstel Gold, he is one third of the way there! Entries due to me by 5am Wednesday morning!

Going big time

The official Luna Cycles website is now up and running! Check it out at

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Huge win for Hesterberg!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- In a defiant show of experience, Howard Hesterberg has dominated this year's fantasy Amstel Gold race. The grand old man of the fantasy peloton placed an astounding 3 riders in the top 4. By picking Cunego, Schleck and Rebellin the "brewmeister" racked up an amazing 1st, 2nd and 4th place. The local fan base can breathe easy knowing that Hesterberg has passed the doping controls.

The strain of the past week's doping allegations showed in the performance of pre-race favorite, Max Dyer. In what initially looked like defiant show of force designed to wreak vengeance on those who had wrongfully accused him of doping, Dyer faded and could only muster 4th and 19th place. Newcomer John McMenemy showed flashes of brilliance, but came up short in the finale.

The next fantasy race will be La Fleche Wallone, this Wednesday. Email your 3 riders by 5 am Wednesday morning.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Free Dyer!

Lenoir, NC(LC Press)- Documents have just come into our possession which call into serious question the validity of fantasy cyclist Max Dyer's recent positive tests for doping. The documents show a string of serious and egregious testing errors in both methodology and protocol at the Hey Bo Muffler Shop and Drug Testing Lab, located in Lick Log, NC.

According to the leaked documents, Hey Bo had cut back on the use of its gas spectral chromatograph due to recent budgetary shortfalls. Instead of using the precision diagnostic equipment mandated by USADA and WADA, lab technicians were instructed to assess urine samples by sniffing them. If a urine sample was questionable, a "taste test" was used as the final determiner of a positive or negative result. According to one anonymous lab employee, technicians just flipped coins to determine whether a sample was positive or negative.

USADA has decided that it must drop all doping charges against Mr. Dyer, effective immediately. Dick Pound, former head of WADA and current board member of the Court of Arbitration for Sport released an unusually terse statement to the media: "I don't need proof to know that someone is a doper."

It is unclear at this time whether Mr. Dyer and his legal team have been made aware of this turn of events. Attempts to contact Mr. Dyer were unsuccessful.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Amstel Gold Fantasy Race

It's that time again! Send in your 3 rider picks for Amstel Gold by 5 am Sunday morning. We've got another Luna Cycles pro pack up for grabs. Scoring will be the same as Paris-Roubaix.

*due to recent doping scandals in the fantasy cycling peloton, we are pleased to announce our new partnership with the Agency for Fantasy Cycling Ethics. We are committed to ridding the fantasy cycling peloton of the scourge of doping and hope that you will join us in our committment to "Ride clean!"

Good luck!

Newsflash - Dyer clear to race!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Before the "I Believe Dyer" and "Let Max Ride!" campaigns could even get started, an anonymous official within USA Cycling has leaked to the press that under the current anti-doping code, only cyclists and NOT fantasy cyclists can be sanctioned from competition. When contacted directly about this, USA Cycling issued a terse response confirming the anonymous report. This officially clears embattled fantasy cyclist, Max Dyer, for competition. This development paves the way for Dyer's participation in this weekend's fantasy Amstel Gold race.

While Dyer must still fight a legal battle to clear his name, he is currently clear to continue his spring fantasy classics campaign. This development may also bring him closer to closing the rumored deal with the Rock&Republic fantasy cycling team ahead of next month's fantasy Giro d'Italia.

Dyer implicates Mangina Cream

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - In the latest press release from fantasy cyclist Max Dyer, his previously defiant tone in the face of recent doping allegations has now given way to a more defensive one. Dyer has now implicated his use of Chuck L's Mangina Cream, a popular chamois cream, as the exogenous source of cholinesterase inhibitors in his A sample.

In what the press has now dubbed the "anchovy oil for drugs" affair, the case has now become very unclear with the accused cyclist all but confirming the positive result before the return of the B sample results. According to Chuck Luddeke, president and CEO of Chuck L's Mangina Cream, released this statement in response to Dyer's accusation:

Chuck L's Mangina Cream is an all-natural chamois cream made from the finest anchovies, cayenne pepper and our patented blend of 12 secret herbs and spices all mixed in a smooth shea butter base. It is utterly impossible for this product to cause a cyclist, fantasy or otherwise, to test positive. We unequivocally deny these allegations from Mr. Dyer and will do whatever it takes to defend ourselves. We are currently looking into what legal recourse we have in this matter and will refrain from any further public comment.

Repeated attempts to reach Mr. Luddeke at his private retreat deep in the Tyrolean mountains were unsuccesful.

In documents provided by Mr. Dyer's legal team, data has been provided that shows how anchovies who have two sets of DNA as the result of a "vanishing twin" anchovy can have abnormally high concentrations of cholinesterase inhibitors in their spinal columns. It is the contention of Dyer and his legal team that this is the cause of the A sample positive, not a planned doping program.

USADA today released the results of Dyer's B sample test. The positive B sample confirms the A sample positive and immediately sanctions Mr. Dyer from further fantasy cycling competition.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Dyer defiant, Ball confirms

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - In a statement issued yesterday, Max Dyer, embattled winner of Sunday's Luna Cycles Paris-Roubaix contest, defiantly stated his intentions to be confirmed as the true victor in the contest. Dyer also stated that he is currently in negotiations with Michael Ball of Rock Racing, but did not elaborate on what place he might have in that organization. Curiously missing from the press release was any denial of the charges leveled against him.

A local lab has leaked the positive results of Dyer's A sample for cholinesterase inhibitors, a drug which may have some effect on a rider's ability to see into the future. Called by many "a miracle of sports forecasting", Mr. Dyer's performance on Sunday showed him correctly picking the first 3 places in Sundays contest. USADA has declined comment on the case until the B sample test is completed.

In a telephone interview with Michael Ball, head of Rock Racing, he confirmed the negotiations between his organization and Mr. Dyer. "Are you kidding me? The guy picked the top three correctly, I mean, who wouldn't want a guy with those skills as a part of their team.", Mr. Ball stated. Rock Racing is currently looking at jumping into the fantasy cycling arena by fielding a Rock&Republic Fantasy Cycling Team. It is rumored that Dyer is being wooed as a potential directeur sportif for the upcoming Fantasy Giro d'Italia and this summer's Fantasy Tour de France. When pressed about trying to add yet another drug-scandal tinged cyclist to his organization, Mr. Ball remains defiant. "I don't care about the 'powers that be'. This is a team about winning and Max has shown he is a winner. We were partying at the Crazy Horse in Myrtle Beach just last week. The guy is all class and that's what Rock Racing is all about. I've got this 13 year old kid on the staff who is a total wiz with computers and excel spreadsheets and crap like that. You add Max to that kind of statistical firepower and magic is gonna happen!"

Wednesday, April 16, 2008


Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - The cycling world was rocked today by yet another doping scandal. Sunday's winner of the Luna Cycles Paris-Roubaix contest, Max Dyer, has returned a positive A sample. Declared the winner in Sunday's contest, Dyer chose the top 3 finishers on the days event, a result that seemed too astounding to be true.

An unidentified laboratory, deep in the woods of Appalachia has confirmed that Dyer's A sample has been found to contain unusually high concentrations of cholinesterase inhibitors, a class of chemical associated with Alzheimer's medications. Preliminary research has shown that high concentrations of these drugs in healthy people can cause temporary powers of divination (seeing into the future).

Dick Pound, former head of the World Anti-Doping Association and board member of the Court of Arbitration for Sport, stated that Dyer should be immediately sanctioned from the sport. He went on to say, "I hope Mr. Dyer is able to see into his own future, because I am going to pursue this case with the same ferocity as I have every other doping case in cycling!"

Luna Cycles has suspended the awards ceremony for Sunday's contest until after the B sample test confirms the positive result.

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

We have a winner!

Picture courtesy of

Boonen stepped up and claimed the cobblestone trophy on Sunday. I haven't watched the race yet, but the bits that I followed online were exciting. My picks for the day were Boonen, Hincapie, Devolder. While they all figured in the top ten, it was not the best 3 rider choice for the day's contest. The winner of the Luna Cycles pro pack is Max "ghost-faced killah" Dyer. He chose Boonen, Cancellara and Ballan who just happened to finish 1-2-3 on Sunday. Congrats, Max! You can stop by the shop and claim your prize!

Friday, April 11, 2008

God save the Queen!

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Come see the hardest men in the pro peloton duke it out over the worst cobblestones in Europe!

Hell, yeah! The Queen of the Classics, l'enfer du nord, none other than Paris-Roubaix is happening this Sunday. Current weather predictions are for rain, so we should see another epic and classic running of this brutal race. This year features an additional 150 meters of cobbles, but remember folks, these ain't just regular old cobbled roads. Nope, these suckers were built by the Romans, as in Caesar. You think it takes a while to get a pothole fixed in your neighborhood? Think about having to deal with roads that haven't been resurfaced in a thousand years!

To celebrate this most exciting one-day race, I'm offering up a Luna Cycles Pro Package (t-shirt, water bottle and socks) to the winner of our little Paris-Roubaix Pick the Winners contest. Here's the deal:

Pick 3 riders. They will be scored as follows-
PLACE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Points 100 90 80 70 60 50 40 30 20 15 10 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 1 1

Most points wins!

Tie breaker question: # of finishers (according to

Email your picks and finisher # to me (must be in my inbox by Sunday at 5am est)

Must have at least 5 entrants to play, so spread the word!

Now go do your homework and email me your picks!

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Enough with the weather, already!

Stijn Devolder takes Der Ronde de Van Vlaandren in the Belgian National Champion jersey!

The weather has been all over the map the past few weeks. Some days (inevitably days that I have time to get out on the bike) it has been cold, chilly, windy, rainy, wet and generally unfun approaching downright miserable. Then there have been brief sojourns into glorious springtime when you are warmed by a shining sun overhead and the birds chirp and sing in something out of a Disney cartoon. I'm ready for a more permanent spring. The elusive nature of pleasant weather has made the colder, grayer days that much harsher and I, for one, have had enough.

I do count my blessings that I am not in Belgium right now, staring down the barrel of the short, intense spring classics season that is now laid out upon the cobbles beckoning the flauhutes forward to glory (or disaster). Stijn Devolder burst out of the chaos to show that Quickstep are more than just a two-trick pony (Bettini and Boonen) to take the Tour of Flanders with panache (read more about it here). He is all set to give the peloton a good what-for in tomorrow's Gent-Wevelgem. The true gem, though, comes this Sunday with l'enfer du nord, Paris-Roubaix. The weather forecast is pointing towards classic Roubaix conditions:rain, mud, possible snow. There are some big men who are showing they are in with a shout: Boonen is claiming to have lots of power and the ability to win without the race coming down to a sprint; Magnus Backstedt is powering his way over the cobbles and claims that his form is coming along perfectly; even George Hincapie is showing glimpses of the right form for the cobbles in what can arguably be called his last legitimate shot at winning the Queen of the classics. Stay tuned...

Things have been pretty weather dependent around the shop. When the weather is good we're busy, when the weather is less than pleasant we're working on the bathroom (the soon to be unveiled, fully remodeled Taj Matoilet!). As a way of making room for Spring stuff, we are closing out all of our '07 and winter clothing for 20% off! We are also making an offering to the weather gods by putting all shorts and gloves on sale for 10% off! So something for the season that is passing and something for the season that is (hopefully) coming!

Last, but not least, get out and ride! Tuesday/Thursday rides are leaving at 5:30 and Saturday rides are leaving at 9am. Jeff and I have been doing some mtn. biking at Dark Mtn/Overmountain Victory and I think it is close to time for doing some Wilson's Creek mtn. biking. Give us a call or stop by the shop if you are interested in joining us for some fun in the dirt!