Monday, July 16, 2012

Welcome to Hell... I mean Pau

I don't know what the hell they farm in this part of France, but whatever devil weed they happen to pass off as a crop here is beyond horrible. I think my sinuses are packed tight with the satan spores or Lucifer's Pollen or whatever the hell is making me feel like my head is going to explode like that guy in Scanners. I'm phoning it in today, I'm not gonna lie. All I can manage is laying in bed, self-medicating with generous amounts of wine, Chartreuse and Absinthe.

Fortunately, the peloton took a pre rest day rest day once the right mix of combatants made its way into the break. The most exciting thing to happen today was Peter Sagan obliging some woman's request to autograph her breasts. Most interesting televised moment was when a British Eurosport commentator said that a particular rider would ride strong on the climbs to a certain point and then blow up "going backwards like a backwards going thing". Nice. If you haven't heard by now, some of the best Fantasy tweets of the Fantasy Tour are coming from Fantasy rider @TweeterSagan. He gets to be all Fantasy cycling hero with just 140 characters whenever he feels like it. Not like me. I have to do the hard shoe leather journalism that has marked my Fantasy career.

Tomorrow is a rest day in the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser  and I'm as ready for it as the riders. Quint Ervin and Team SRAM Red 2012 p/b Bojangle's have exerted a stranglehold on the maillot jaune, but the Pyrenees are a whole other kettle of fish and he's still got some surviving to do.  Our podium will be a lot more solidified in the next few stages, so we should see the real performances by those men hoping not to be also rans soon or not at all.
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