Thursday, July 19, 2012

I'm outta here

While I waited in line to get a ticket out of here, I watched today's stage. Standing in line, eating poor quality airport food and the third degree from a security guard who found it suspicious that I was not taking home any french wine, but was taking home 50 bottles of various types of Absinthe was way more interesting than watching the Sky pair of Mantis and Twiglet make everyone else look foolish on the final climb. Froome, gesticulating wildly in an attempt to get Wiggins to follow him up to the will of Valverde for the stage win, played the role of castrati in this little opera perfectly. I'm done. A handful of melatonin and copious amounts of airline liquor should just about wipe this trip off the map of my mind for a while. I haven't been this disappointed in a Tour de France since Miguel Indurain's five robotic wins.

Sure, I'll still listen to the Tour coverage when I get home, but I won't be gripped by it. No, I've got a new bathroom remodel to paint and I see no need to sit on the edge of my seat waiting for a flash of excitement that just won't materialize. The only thing at this point that can break me out of this malaise will be Froome breaking free of the shackles of lieutenancy and actually attacking Wiggins for the yellow jersey. Short of that, or a wheelie sprint victory by Peter Sagan on the Champs-Elysees and I'm checking out. (ed. note: in all likelihood, Sagan will wheelie across the line for a sprint victory on the Champs-Elysees, so not even that will be revelatory.)

Even the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser is pretty well wrapped up at this point. There has been some slight shuffling between second and third with Team Don't Call It A Comeback moving past Team Dottatope for second place, but I predicted this yesterday. There is a minor skirmish between 4th, 5th and 6th place, but once you're out of the top 3 who will ever remember? Don't be that guy in the nursing home talking about how in 2012 you got 4th place in the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser. All anyone will care about is who the winner was and that honor will have gone to Quint Ervin and his Team SRAM Red 2012 p/b Bojangles.

I've got to go. They are calling my flight and the security guard is saying something in French about wanting to search my teeth for cavities.
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