Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Newsflash


Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - The cycling world was rocked today by yet another doping scandal. Sunday's winner of the Luna Cycles Paris-Roubaix contest, Max Dyer, has returned a positive A sample. Declared the winner in Sunday's contest, Dyer chose the top 3 finishers on the days event, a result that seemed too astounding to be true.

An unidentified laboratory, deep in the woods of Appalachia has confirmed that Dyer's A sample has been found to contain unusually high concentrations of cholinesterase inhibitors, a class of chemical associated with Alzheimer's medications. Preliminary research has shown that high concentrations of these drugs in healthy people can cause temporary powers of divination (seeing into the future).

Dick Pound, former head of the World Anti-Doping Association and board member of the Court of Arbitration for Sport, stated that Dyer should be immediately sanctioned from the sport. He went on to say, "I hope Mr. Dyer is able to see into his own future, because I am going to pursue this case with the same ferocity as I have every other doping case in cycling!"

Luna Cycles has suspended the awards ceremony for Sunday's contest until after the B sample test confirms the positive result.
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