Saturday, April 19, 2008

Free Dyer!

Lenoir, NC(LC Press)- Documents have just come into our possession which call into serious question the validity of fantasy cyclist Max Dyer's recent positive tests for doping. The documents show a string of serious and egregious testing errors in both methodology and protocol at the Hey Bo Muffler Shop and Drug Testing Lab, located in Lick Log, NC.

According to the leaked documents, Hey Bo had cut back on the use of its gas spectral chromatograph due to recent budgetary shortfalls. Instead of using the precision diagnostic equipment mandated by USADA and WADA, lab technicians were instructed to assess urine samples by sniffing them. If a urine sample was questionable, a "taste test" was used as the final determiner of a positive or negative result. According to one anonymous lab employee, technicians just flipped coins to determine whether a sample was positive or negative.

USADA has decided that it must drop all doping charges against Mr. Dyer, effective immediately. Dick Pound, former head of WADA and current board member of the Court of Arbitration for Sport released an unusually terse statement to the media: "I don't need proof to know that someone is a doper."

It is unclear at this time whether Mr. Dyer and his legal team have been made aware of this turn of events. Attempts to contact Mr. Dyer were unsuccessful.
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