Friday, April 18, 2008

Dyer implicates Mangina Cream

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - In the latest press release from fantasy cyclist Max Dyer, his previously defiant tone in the face of recent doping allegations has now given way to a more defensive one. Dyer has now implicated his use of Chuck L's Mangina Cream, a popular chamois cream, as the exogenous source of cholinesterase inhibitors in his A sample.

In what the press has now dubbed the "anchovy oil for drugs" affair, the case has now become very unclear with the accused cyclist all but confirming the positive result before the return of the B sample results. According to Chuck Luddeke, president and CEO of Chuck L's Mangina Cream, released this statement in response to Dyer's accusation:

Chuck L's Mangina Cream is an all-natural chamois cream made from the finest anchovies, cayenne pepper and our patented blend of 12 secret herbs and spices all mixed in a smooth shea butter base. It is utterly impossible for this product to cause a cyclist, fantasy or otherwise, to test positive. We unequivocally deny these allegations from Mr. Dyer and will do whatever it takes to defend ourselves. We are currently looking into what legal recourse we have in this matter and will refrain from any further public comment.

Repeated attempts to reach Mr. Luddeke at his private retreat deep in the Tyrolean mountains were unsuccesful.

In documents provided by Mr. Dyer's legal team, data has been provided that shows how anchovies who have two sets of DNA as the result of a "vanishing twin" anchovy can have abnormally high concentrations of cholinesterase inhibitors in their spinal columns. It is the contention of Dyer and his legal team that this is the cause of the A sample positive, not a planned doping program.

USADA today released the results of Dyer's B sample test. The positive B sample confirms the A sample positive and immediately sanctions Mr. Dyer from further fantasy cycling competition.
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