Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Unimportant action dominates stage

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Today's stage of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!" made little impact on the overall standings of the teams. As men of little consequence were given room for fleeting glory, the real players in this poker game on wheels marked each other and called as the bet came to them. In the coming days, we shall see these men throw "all in" in an effort to win the maillot jaune and distance themselves from the competition.

Moises Duenas, however, will not be in the mix as he has been very naughty with respect to illicit substances. Not only did he pop positive for EPO after the stage 4 TT, but a subsequent search of his hotel room found lots of things he shouldn't have possessed. Isn't it interesting though that we are seeing climbers getting doping positives for time trial stages. After targeting the 10 riders with suspicious blood values, 2 have now come up positive. Who will be next?

Complete Results

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

AP Wire 7-17-08 -

DS Charles Bennett of Team Far North has issued the following statement concerning the ejection of top FGC contender Ricardo Ricco. 'First allow me to say that we have utmost confidence in Ricco's decision making abilities and Dr. Fuentes, his personal physician. We expect this decision to be overturned when all evidence is compiled. As to the source of this Cera substance, several allegations and possibilities exist at this moment in time. First, it should be pointed out that Ricco is a diehard fan of sponsor Chuck L's line of masculine products. Though he did not garner exclusive spokesman rights for Chuck L's products (this was given to Tammy Thomas), he personally uses them religiously. I believe Ricco has told me that he personally enjoys Chuck L's Old Fashioned Brown Eye Ointment the best, and even asked the gedarmes if he could take this with him during questioning. Additionally, Ricco took part in some post win celebrations at the home of a personal friend, Mitch McClintock. It was during this celebration that one of his virgin strawberry margaritas may have been spiked with Cera. In order to get to the bottom of such heinous and malicious behavior, Team Far North is employing an independent drug tester, Lick Logs Biological Testing Labs, to look further into this issue. Again, Team Far North vehemently denies the allegations of Cera abuse and squarely points the blame for such discrepancies in the hands of Chuck L's line of masculine products or on an unknown saboteur who may or may not have been hired by opposing teams, seeing that Far North was leading the FCG standings.

Anonymous said...

awesome.

Anonymous said...

Eddie Winkler of Team Not Caught Yet (OK now we are caught) stated "What can I say Ricco is a dumb ass, he did it I know it, he knows it, now everyone knows. hey if it climbs like a dopper, most likely it is a dopper." Team Not Caught Yet will do the right thing and withdraw from the fantasy Tour. Beer will be provided at some point to all that have been wronged.

Anonymous said...

I am starting to feel better. I hope none of my guys is next!

Anonymous said...

Hey Mo,
Check my points again. My man, SEBASTIEN Chavanel was second AND french AND Thor was seventh or so.

I should have ninety million points for Chavanel alone.
Don't make me drive up there.

Anonymous said...

Better check that addition again...Team Far North is still in the lead!

Anonymous said...

FLAVA CHAV on the high tip....yes, yes y'all!

Man, Haimar left me hanging this year...he would have to be the only Spaniard NOT on the funky blood.
The only Chavenel that mattered this year is baby brother!
I'll still lose of course.