Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Howard Hesterberg continues to dominate the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!", in what is shaping up to be a wild and unpredictable race.
In other race news: Manuel Beltran became the first positive test in the Tour this year. If the B sample confirms the result, this will set Team Liquigas back a cool 100,000 euros in ASO fines. Beltran's positive nullified his placing in the fantasy race, moving frenchman Sandy Casar up to 35th place. Also of note, Team Basez-vous! lost half of their team with Christophe Moreau and John Gadret failed to make the time cut off and are now out of the race.
*Reporter's note: My apologies for the lack of daily reports. I have been in a secluded retreat, preparing for today's Grizzly metric century. Up until now, I have been adhering to a rigorous training schedule that focused on positive visualization and active rest. I felt it necessary to take a break from this regimen, clear the important chakras and detach myself from this physical reality in order to arrive at the line refreshed and ready. Now that The Grizzly is done, I can get back to my real fantasy job of reporting on fantasy cycling.