Setback

While it is heartwarming to see local boy Pinot take an emotional win on today's stage of the Tour de France, I have suffered a crushing day on the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser. Apparently, you can't rent a motorcycle and join the zooming press caravan relying on a proffered cell phone with your Fantasy Tour 'blog's mobile version pulled up on the browser as a press credential. The Amaury Sports Organization are real sticklers for things like "officially issued press passes" and other journalistic accoutrements. This is such an obvious case of "the establishment" trying to keep the little guy down. I'm looking right at you velonews and cyclingnews with your fancy windbreakers and Skoda cars and little "Presse" vests.

Little change again today as the top 3 teams remain the same in the LCBDFTdFpbUCNSP, but now our two female directeur sportifs lie in fourth and fifth. Are they knocking on the door of the podium?

In it to win it

Today was a new day in the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser. I awoke promptly at 9:30. The large block of ice I had requested from the hotel concierge was in the was in the deep kitchen sink of my modest suite. I ran the water and chipped away at the ice block until I had a sink full of ice water. I plunged my head into the crisp, clear ice water, jolting me out of the journalistic funk I have fallen into. I stood up a new man with only the slightest of champagne hangovers.

Determined to overcome the sins of this past week, I dressed and went down to the hotel lobby to wait for the BMW motorcycle I have rented for the remainder of this year's race. Gone are the days of drinking too much and passing out mid-stage and madly scrambling to find someone to give me a synopsis of the days action. Gone are the days of laying in the ample bed of my modest hotel suite, depleting the well stocked mini bar and watching Eurosport as a substitute for actually covering the race. No dear reader, I mobile and a one man motorcycle journalism machine from this point forward.

I hooked up my iPhone with the earphone/microphone combo under my helmet and set off for the race. Maintaining a constant stream-of-consciousness monologue, I set out to capture every sensation of the day's stage and what a sensational stage it turned out to be.

With just a few kilometers left on the stage, Team Sky set a staggering pace at the front and shattered many, many of the favorites. I captured this shot of pre-race favorite, Frank Schleck as I rocketed past him to stay with the lead group. Schleck must now concede that his dream of a Tour de France victory is over. He and Andy should seriously consider their Hanson Brothers cover band project as more than just a hobby given their results this season.

Christopher Froome (Team Sky) set a dastardly tempo, breaking the legs, minds and spirits of all but Bradley Wiggins (Sky), Cadel Evans (BMC), Vicenzon Nibali (Liquigas), and Rein Taaramae (Cofidis). This photo captures the awesome spectacle of power that he displayed over the final three kilometers. It was all this reporter could do to stay on the gas, take photos, maintain stream of consciousness reporting and keep the powerful BMW motorcycle upright, but it was worth it.

With just 500 meters to go, the road kicked up horribly and a flagging Christopher Froome looked to be overcome by a dig by Cadel Evans in a strong bid to take the stage win. But Froome proved to have just enough left in his legs to respond to Evans' attack, and to ride past him to take a much deserved stage win. Sky are tonight's big winners with a stage win, the yellow jersey on the back of Bradley Wiggins, and a stamp of authority placed on this day's stage by a team that looked to be firing on all cylinders. But have they taken the yellow jersey too soon? With Evans and Nibali now rounding out the top 3 and with just seconds separating these three riders, where will the extra time be gained to give greater separation between the eventual winner and the other top competitors?

A friendly and efficient gendarme pointed me in the correct direction for journalists seeking post race interviews, but by the time I was finished discussing my many adventures covering today's stage with him and several of his colleagues, I was too late to talk to anyone. I take that back- Frank Schleck was oddly hanging out by himself where his team bus had been, looking to get a journalist to interview him about the day and give him a ride back to the team hotel. Since I was on the motorcycle, I just walked by him and tried to avoid I contact. He just looked so eager and helpless...

Little change in the top 3 place of the LCBDFTdFpbUCNSP, with Quint Ervin still in the yellow jersey, Jeff Welch in second, and "Drunkin'" Grant Dunstan in third. Notable too, is the performance of the only two female directeur sportifs of this year's Fantasy Tour. Team Don't Call It A Comeback DS Margi now lies in fourth place and Team Supersonic Pelotonic DS Courtney Morse lies in seventh place overall. Could this be the year that a female directeur sportif wins the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser?

Falling down

I'm not going to lie, some days being a reporter covering the Luna  Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser, "Put some glide in your ride!" is just not the glamorous, rock star lifestyle that I pictured it to be. Sure, the drinks flow copiously, the women are beautiful and all too available, and the food and accommodations would make a sheikh envious, but some days on the Fantasy Tour reporting beat are a lesson in grim determination; the grim determination to maintain a level of sobriety and focus necessary to get the story of the day's stage down and out to the reader. Today was shaping up to be such a day, and then a major crash occurred that sent the hopes of many GC men to shatter on the pavement along with their bodies.

I am ashamed to say that I missed it. Missed it totally and completely. I had popped inside the cafe that was serving as my base of operations to order a bit more of the fabulous champagne that is produced in this region, which is coincidentally called Champagne. A lovely young female local was taking great delight in discussing some of the activities available to a reporter like myself, when a great gasp went up from some of the patrons clustered around a tiny television showing the Tour. I tottered over to see what I'd missed, only to find that I had missed one of the most stunning incidents to date in this year's Tour. Dear reader, I'm sorry. I know I promised to not miss any other momentous events in this year's Tour, but this time I really mean it.

Anywho, Cadel and Wiggo seemed to have skated through. Peter Sagan took it to the pure sprinters and won the stage with Gorilla Greipel finishing second with what may prove to be a dislocated shoulder. Chapeau, gentlemen! There is little shuffling in the top 3 of the LCBDFTdFpbUCNSP, but I must point out the astonishing rise of Team Mas Fuerte, which now sits in 7th place overall and following the donning of the maillot jaune by Sylvain Chavenal in tomorrow's first climby bit of this year's Tour, they should rise ever higher. Dig in to that bucket of chicken while you still can Quint Ervin 'cause Mas Fuerte is comin'...

Let's be honest with each other

So, today's stage was that familiar and sad tale of the long breakaway that looked so close to the line that with 17 seconds on the peloton with just 2 km to go they must surely, this time, be successful. But no kids, the professional catch is brutally deceptive and gives hope beyond measure to the poor, benighted rider who feels like they have gotten the golden ticket in which the hapless chasers come up just short of denying the plucky few the spoils of Tour de France stage victory. And so, with just tens of meters separating the "no-hopers" from the eternal glory of a stage win, the sprinters sweep past in a flurry of elbows and quads with the wide shoulders of Gorilla Greipel tearing the molecules of air asunder in his second successful bid for the line. This after earning the title of best bike handler at Mach 5 when Tyler Farrar decided to hit the deck and slide into him and Greipel pulled the no-footer ride over and continued on with little loss of place. True, Greipel did transfer the bulk of Tyler's force into Peter Sagan, sending the Tourminator into a high speed high side that ended on the curb, but Greipel showed a mastery of applied force, vector physics and gravitational redirection that should earn him serious consideration for a Nobel Prize in Applied Physics.

In more serious news of the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France, Quint Ervin stays in the lead for an incredible third day in a row, lending further proof that his team is on the chinese chicken juice pretty hard. Let it be known though that the bare chested fury of Team Mas Fuerte is coming to bear and will be fully realized with a reckoning of epic proportions in the mountains.

So let's be honest. There is about 10 minutes of real excitement in these stages, and it comes at the very end. I am going to while away the bulk of the stages like these chatting up friendly locals, imbibing in the local drinks, and endeavoring to be sober enough to pay attention to those crucial last 10 kilometers. Deal?

Independence day!

The celebration of Independence Day is pretty subdued here in France. Actually, it's downright nonexistent. Weird. I celebrated as best I could by eating a cheeseburger (not an easy thing to find in France), drinking beer (the price of Budweiser here is shocking), and then lighting a trash can on fire and pretending it was fireworks. Oh well.

Team SRAM Red 2012 p/b Bojangle's still maintains the lead in the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser, but there is a lot of shifting around going on below that and some teams may be starting to come into their own now that the first few days of unpleasantness have gone behind us.

The big news was the large crash that occurred toward the end of the stage and which sent Mark Cavendish to the pavement. With his heart not really in the Tour this year and his focus firmly set on winning the Olympic road race in London in August, I'd be willing to bet he'll exit the Tour very soon. With Cavendish out, look to Andre Greipel to take the helm as the dominant pure sprinter of this year's race with Peter Sagan sticking his nose in with the pure sprinters, the rouleurs, the puncheurs, and any other categorization of bad ass you want to come up with. I'll bet the Liquigas boys start to rally around the Tourminator quickly given that Basso is not much more than a super-domestique and Nibbles Nibali hasn't come through as a rider that can close the deal, yet. While I'm in extemporaneous freestyle prediction mode, let me just congratulate myself on NOT picking Thomas Voeckler this year for my team. Voeckler's tremendous Tour performances follow a 10 year comet-like cycle and he will be retired before the next orbit is due to return. Last year was his last good year at the Tour and he will now fade into Tour obscurity (at least for this Tour). Sure, he may get a stage win, but he won't crack the top 20 in GC. Pierre Rolland on the other hand is looking to make a jump to a bigger squad and should uncork something pretty spectacular in the mountains.

In honor of the 4th of July, let us remember all of the American pioneers in the Tour de France:

Jonathon Boyer was the first American to race in the Tour de France in 1981.

Greg Lemond was the first American to finish on the podium of the Tour de France with 3rd place in 1984. Lemond was also the first American to win the Tour de France in 1986.

Andy Hampsten was the first American to win the White Jersey of Best Young Rider at the Tour de France in 1986 with an overall finish of 4th place. (His La Vie Claire teammates took the top 2 podium steps the same year - Lemond 1st and Bernard Hinault 2nd) Andy Hampsten is still the only American to have won the Giro d'Italia.

The first road stage win by an American was in 1986 by Davis Phinney, a fearsome beast of a sprinter.

With this Tour de France start, George Hincapie has bested Joop Zoetemelk for the record number of Tour de France starts with a staggering 17.

Laura Antoine became the first American Tour de France podium girl in 2009.

There is this near mythical story that I have read about in several places, but can't track down any definitive proof of an Italian-American cyclist in the 1950's, who stayed in Europe after the end of World War II and ended up racing professionally. He is believed to have raced in the Tour de France in the early 1950's, which would make him the first American to race in the Tour de France by three decades. If you know of anything pertaining to this story, I'd love to hear it.

Two in a row

Directeur Sportif Quint Ervin now sits atop the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser for the second day in a row. Fueled by a heady mixture of hubris, sweet tea, and unknown chinese chicken feed supplements, the SRAM Red 2012 p/b Bojangles team looks to be in for a few days of control of this fantasy stage race. With the top 5 separated by less than 100 points though, there is still a lot of race left.

I'm in France now. It is pretty much like Belgium at this point, except instead of drinking a lot (and I mean A LOT) of Belgian beer while I file my daily report, I'm downing bottles of red wine. I plan on crashing one of the Eurosport get togethers to see how the big dogs play and to quaff as much free champagne I came guzzle before anyone notices I'm not British- or English. I am Scot-Irish though, so that may play in my favor. We'll see. One thing I'm not going to do is try to hang out with Bob Roll or any of the other NBC or VS. or whatever the hell they call their network this week guys. They are total prima donnas.

So Peter Sagan pretty much made everybody look pretty silly today. Alejandro Valverde brain farted his way through a turn at Mach 10 that Sylvain Chavenal nearly overcooked all by himself in his mad dash to try to grab the yellow jersey from Cancellara. Some Cat V got into the finishing bunch and caused a nice crash. Bradley Wiggins satisfied the urge to see if gravity was still operational and Edvald Boassen Hagen went straight while everybody else turned right to go toward the finish line. Damn, that nearly sounded professional. This wine is not good for my journalistic ability.

Enjoy your day in yellow

I caught up with directeur sportif Grant Dunstan of the La Folie Flyer's as he was stepping out of his suite on the way to a club to celebrate his capture of the yellow jersey in the 2012 Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser. Grant shared a bit of old d. s. wisdom when he shared that the best use of the maillot jaune was to wear it out to the clubs because all the men will buy your drinks and "all the chicks dig it". Thank you, Oh Wise Sage.

And yet again, we run into the one and done phenomenon of teams that capture the Fantasy Tour lead and barely have time to start tricking out team bikes with yellow accents before the wild and crazy ride with the golden fleece is over. Not even a stage win by Team Hoogerland's Thigh sprinter Mark Cavendish could stop the testosterone-infused fried chicken powered Team SRAM Red 2012 p/b Bojangle's from taking the yellow jersey from the La Folie Flyer's, wiping the grease off of its collective faces, and asking for more biscuits and sweet tea. Yes, alleged cheating directeur sportif Quint Ervin must be basking in some juices of self satisfaction as he takes the lead of the LCBDFTdFpbUCNSP. We await his comments with bated breath.

Now to a matter that strikes at the heart of my journalistic integrity. A report surfaced in today's Cyclingnews that said, "Shortly thereafter there was another large crash when a fan saw the need to stand in the road to make photos." The writer, Susan Westemeyer, did not seek me out for an interview after this incident and the article would indicate that I am to blame for the crash. As you may recall from my report yesterday, I just happened to be in the right place at the right time to catch a photo of this particular crash and am in no way to blame for its occurrence. Let me set you straight on your "facts" Ms. Westemeyer: 1 - I'm a fantasy journalist NOT a fan (how dare you impune a fellow journalist) and 2 - I didn't see a need to stand in the road to make photos, I was in the road to capture the best shots for my coverage. It could be a lot worse. I could have hopped on the back of some random motorcycle and started buzzing around like a crazy person like other photographers I've seen. That can't be legit. 


So I see that the persecution of the American has begun with these foreigners. One minor photographic incident, like a non-negative test at the Tour of Switzerland, can be overblown to the point of calling into question my spectacular Fantasy Tour de France journalistic career. A career, I might add, in which I have successfully posted hundreds of photos and reports over the years, none of which have ever resulted in a mishap like yesterday. I think that this is a pretty clear cut case of European bias against me - the most successful Fantasy Tour de France journalist in history. 

Really?

Directeur sportif Steve White strode confidently to the sign in of the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser, resplendent in the first maillot jaune of this year's race. Uncertain of his Hoogerland's Thigh team's chances of defending the yellow jersey, White vowed to "defend it until I can't." How unfortunate that it turned out to be less than a day in yellow for White and Team Hoogerlan's Thigh.

This stage started like so many others that this reporter has been privy to over the years. A breakaway of no-hopers goes out early on the long dash to sponsor exposure in the continuous glare of camera coverage that travels with the breakaway, while the peloton ambles along at cookie ride pace, giving the breakaway its due until the time comes to catch it in a flash and set up for the win. The day's favorites for victory were not the pure sprinters given the absurdly steep pitch just 2.5 km from the finish. No, today was a day for the wily and cagey bobcat not the speedy cheetah.

I was fortunate to hook a ride with some soigneurs from the AG2R/La Mondiale team and found that a gillet with team colors and a spare wheel were all the ticket I needed to cut a swathe through the crowds and get ringside for the big show.

At about the 20 km mark, I bravely stepped out into the road a bit to snap a few photos of the peloton for this story. As luck would have it, a major crash occurred right where I stepped out into the road as a rider swerved abruptly around me for some unknown reason a caused a pile up. I caught this great close up of Cadel Evans:

and this photo of Pierre Rolland of the Europcar team. Unfortunately, I found myself at the bottom of the pileup of riders and bikes and it took several moments of pushing and shoving to extract myself. To those riders whose wheels I stepped on in my mad scramble to get out of the pileup, no hard feelings. I assure you that my professionalism ensures that I will offer you fair and balanced coverage throughout the remainder of this Tour. Except for you, Robert Gesink, you were just plain rude.











I attempted to walk to the top of the day's penultimate climb, but the grade proved far too much effort and a handy cafe became my base of operations for the final 5 km of today's stage. I nearly spilled my trippel all over myself when I saw Sylvain Chavenal launch his gutsy attack on the steepest part of the climb, for he is a real favorite of mine. While gutsy, the attack was short-lived and the rider dubbed "Spartacus", Fabio Candelabra put on the craziest burst of power outside of the start of a Cat. 4 criterium, dragging Petey Sagan (no relation to Carl Sagan as far as I know, but that dude did get around a bit. Not like Richard Feynman, that physicist was a total man whore) along with him. Sagan tucked in admirably, not letting the flailing chicken-wing elbows of Candelabra entice him to pull through. And so "The Gun Show" came to fruition with the victory of Peter Sagan.

We also have a new leader in the LCBDFTdFpbUCNSP as directeur sportif Grant Dunstan of the La Folie Flyers team mounts the top step with the smashing performances of Chavenal, Candelabra, Sagan, and Wiggins. Steve White and his Hoogerland's Thigh team slip into first loser territory, while embattled directeur sportif Quint Ervin occupies third place with his Team SRAM Red 2012 p/b Bojangle's (which are not allegedly hopped up on doped Chinese fried chickens).

Now I'm off to do an interview with Tom Boonen and some Belgian supermodels at a hot new club here in Liege.

Epilogue to a Prologue

I have been truly fortunate to have locals so eager to assist me in this my first foreign reporting assignment. Without the aid of the world community of cycling fans, my coverage of the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser would lack style, flair and flavor. My sincerest hopes are to have the remainder of this trip go as well as the first days have.

With the aid of a fellow cycling aficionado and patron of the first bar cum cafe that I happened to walk into, I was able to secure a fantastic table on the route for today's prologue time trial. I counted myself both fortunate and lucky to find myself perched course-side with a paper cone of pommes frites and a lovely glass of fine Belgian ale. With a few hours to kill before the real action began, I settled down to eat, drink and learn more about this wonderful little country and some of its citizens, starting with my new found friend.

My how the time flies when you are trying to get to know more about the new area you are visiting! Alas, I caught a streak of red and black out of the corner of my eye and watched in horror as the hunched form of Cadel Evans became a distant blur in a matter of seconds. I failed you, dear reader, and missed most of the action of today's events, but I have diligently put together as much information as possible to make up for my lack of focus and I promise you, dear reader, that my A game is now in full effect. What follows is my best effort to recap the days excitement that I heard about from some of the people who paid a bit more attention to the race than I...

So today's prologue time trial is much like the event pictured to the left (only it isn't on the track, you aren't allowed to use a motor, you can't draft off of anyone or anything, and nobody had this kind of body fat on display). Each man left the start house and throttled himself into oblivion for a little over 6 km or until he died from the effort. (That last part might not be right, the two guys I heard it from had drunk a lot more beer than I had and I've got to be honest and say that would have to be a substantial amount.)

Each rider put forward a towering display of athletic prowess except the guys that were outside of the top 30 or so. The guys from about 100th place back just looked like they were ready to pack it in and call it a day. So, on to the results.

Fabian Cancellara (pictured here from his wildly popular TV show Spartacus, which I'm sorry to say I haven't seen but is apparently really good and he uses his character's name in some of his cycling endeavors) put on an awesome display of power and took the stage win.

Bradley Wiggins (pictured here at a post race interview) put in a very strong performance to finish second and put a stamp of authority on his bid to claim this year's top step in Paris.

But enough about the actual race. The moment you have all dreamed of for a year or less has come. We can now put forward the first yellow jersey of the 2012 Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser.

In 3rd place, with strong performances from Cancellara, Wiggins, and Van Garderen, directeur sportif  Jeff Welch of the Dottatope team.  In 2nd place, riding high on the backs and thighs of Chavenal, Wiggins, and Van Garderen, directeur sportif Eric Winebarger of the Mountain Don't team. And finally, our first bearer of the golden fleece, with strong performances from Wiggins, Van Garderen, and Cancellara, a newcomer to the LCBDFTdFpbUCNSP is directeur sportif Steve White of Team Hoogerland's Thigh.  Congratulations to our top three. To further the depth of our coverage, I make a humble request that all participants send me a photo of themselves (or a reasonable facsimile) wearing or wrapped in something yellow for future press releases.

Let's get this party started

Let's make one thing very clear from the start: I am a consumate professional and am in no way guilty of shirking my reporting duties during this ground-breaking attempt at covering the full breadth and depth of the 2012 Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser. With that being said, let's be honest for a moment. Of the 198 riders in this year's LCBDFTdFp/bUCNSP, only about 20 guys have any hope in hell of doing anything significant, and they certainly aren't leading off on this prologue stage. So, why kill yourself from the gun to stick to an outside schedule as arbitrary as the official start time of a race? I write to you now from the Thalys TGV (Totally Great Vehicle or something to that effect, my french is a bit rusty), hurtling through the somewhat grim industrial north of France on my way to the historic city of Liege in Belgium to catch ONLY the most important racers of this year's fantasy TdF. As soon as we reach the station, I grab a bite to eat, find a decent espresso, perhaps indulge in a bit of the local beer and grab some of those Belgian frites I've heard such good things about, I'll be on the scene for some crack race reporting, ever mindful of the great responsibility that I bear as the official eyes and ears of this the greatest fantasy bike race on Earth.

Cleared!

I arrived at the International Fantasy Cycling Union press conference a bit later than anticipated, but managed to talk to a guy who was standing close to a guy who heard some people talking about the announcement that Heinz Verbatim made regarding the doping allegations against Team Luna Cycles and Team SRAM Red 2012 p/b Bojangle's. Through some very thorough journalistic work on my part and a serious dent put into my per diem account thanks to the need to keep myself and several of my interviewees well hydrated with various electrolyte solutions from the bar, I can confidently say that Mr. Verbatim pronounced both teams fit for competition and denounced any allegations of cheating in this edition of the Luna Cycle Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser, "You never knew how slick it could be!", as ludicrous and laughable. The respective directeur sportifs of the two teams must be breathing a sigh of relief at this moment and as soon as I am able to break free of the high level negotiations I am involved in with several female "reporters" at the Parisian Night Club I have come to in pursuit of "background" for the in depth reporting I am doing here, I will make sure to get statements from them.

Arrivee!

I have safely arrived in my modest hotel accommodations here in Paris. Our decision to have "on the ground" coverage of the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser, "Nobody does it slicker!", was not lightly entered into by our accounting department. But I gave them every assurance to keep things on a shoe string, and I think the photo of my hotel room serves silent testament to the simplicity I am willing to bear in our quest to bring you the best damn fantasy cycling coverage possible.

I will be moving to a small cafe to await the announcement by Heinz Verbatim of the International Fantasy Cycling Union on their disposition of the scandals involving Team Luna Cycles and Team SRAM Red 2012 p/b Bojangle's. I only hope that my meager per diem can cover the cost of a few brioches and a latte...

The light of day

Released today from an anonymous source close to the inner workings of the suspected motorized doping ring involving Team Luna Cycles Directeur Sportif Richard Fish, this photo shows an unnamed German foreign exchange student carrying a large stuffed chili pepper. This chili pepper may have been the means by which several dozen genetically modified hamsters bred to power small hub mounted engines were smuggled into the United States from a pet shop in Berlin. Richard Fish could not be reached at this time.

Ironically, Directeur Sportif Quint Ervin of  Team SRAM Red 2012 p/b Bojangle's and brother to Directeur Sportif Josh Ervin of  the Track Wooly Mammoth team and the first person to break the rumor of Richard Fish's alleged motorized doping, has been implicated in a complex scheme to smuggle raw chicken from China to be prepared by the Bojangle's team chef for a "original recipe" that would mask the high amounts of banned substances that the meat is alleged to be tainted with for use by team riders later in the Tour to aid recovery and performance. No comment from Mr. Ervin at this time.

It's still not too late to join in on the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser, it's out with the old and in with the New School! Just jump over to www.velogames.com and use mini league code 24021849 to throw your team into the fantasy whirlwind that is the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser, it's like chamois cream for your bike's junk!

Record Field!

A record 14 teams have entered the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser, the solvent that eats like a meal, as of this morning. We are truly humbled by this show of fantasy force in just the sixth year of this race. Let's see if we can reach twenty teams! Remember it isn't too late to enter - just go to www.velogames.com to register your team for free, then join our mini league by using the mini league code 24021849. Come join the fun for free!

Scandale! update

Sources inside the engineering firm in Germany have confirmed some of the details of the breaking scandal dubbed "Operation German Exchange Student" in this year's Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser. This photo (dated from early 2010) shows an early prototype of the hamster powered hub mounted motor allegedly found on some of the Team Luna Cycles bikes during the pre-fantasy tour technical check. Our sources in Germany have confirmed that the current generation of genetically modified hamsters provide an average wattage output of 2 to 3 watts in addition to the wattage exerted by the rider. We will continue to update you with details of this breaking scandal as they surface.

Scandale!

A rumor has surfaced on the eve of the 6th Annual Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser, the only solvent you'll ever love. Suspicions about Team Luna Cycles directeur sportif, Richard Fish, have begun making the rounds of the internet. Dubbed "Operation German Exchange Student", involvement of Mr. Fish with one or more individuals claiming to be foreign exchange students from Germany may provide a link to Team Luna Cycles and the use of hidden motors in some team members bicycles. Details are sketchy, but we feel it our duty to keep the general public informed.

Saturday, it gets real...

This Saturday marks the start of the 6th Annual Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France brought to you by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser, a better way to clean your chain. You may or may not be familiar with the real event our world famous Fantasy race is based on, the Tour de France, but that makes no nevermind, you still have time to register your team of fantasy cyclists over at www.velogames.com and use our mini league code: 24021849 to join the record 11 teams that have already joined.

As usual, pretenders to the crown have already begun talking smack about their unbeatable team and how they are going to win it all. Judging from some of the team rosters I'm seeing entered, a lot of these guys are really "just happy to be here" and are going to be gaining some valuable experience from the Fantasy Cycling school of hard knocks.

While I have entered a team, I remain your objective professional commentator and will refrain from saying things like, "Mike Pritchard is destined for another race to the bottom given the riders he has chosen for his team." Preferring the more journalistic stance of, "Fantasy Directeur Sportif Jeff Welch has shown a lot of heart with the somewhat unorthodox riders he has selected for his team and their performance over the coming weeks will be entertaining to say the least." See that? Professionalism. You can count on that type of journalistic integrity over the coming weeks, even as my team walks away with this Fantasy Tour de France yet again.

The Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France powered by Uncle Chuck's New School Pregreaser is live!

Yep, you heard right - we're back for another year of hot, heavy Fantasy Tour de France action here at Luna Cycles HQ. We've spared no expense to take advantage of the many resources of the world wide interwebs to bring you this FREE opportunity to showcase your lounge chair Directeur Sportif skills (filterless cigarettes not included). Head over to www.velogames.com to register your 9 man team of heavy hitters (or flouncy wannabe's) and then join the Luna Cycles Big Deal Fantasy Tour de France mini league by entering 24021849 for the mini league code.

This year we promise to bring you right into the thick of things as we have always done with each year's Fantasy Tour de France. All the fantasy intrigue, all the fantasy scandal, and all the fantasy action will be right here in pure, virtual technicolor detail!

Now, as we draw close to the fantasy TdF, people have sought out our expert opinion on the current troubles affecting a certain Lancelot Q. Armstrong, 7 time winner of the Tour de France (for now). At this point, we must express a certain weariness to this whole affair. While we abhor cheating and performance enhancing drug use, we must admit that at the highest levels of our sport the lines are thin, fuzzy, and very grey on what is and is not legal and given the chance to reach the top of our sport, win fame and fortune doing something that we love, who knows what ethical knots we might find ourselves tied up in.

Let's look on the bright side of this though: somewhere in an anonymous french office park, in an anonymous cubicle, is a guy chain smoking Galoises and regaling everyone within confined ear shot of how he finished 32nd in the 2003 Tour de France and how everybody ahead of him was doped to the gills. Well sir, if USADA get their way, that pudgy, button down frenchman will be getting a call to come accept his yellow jersey as the winner of the 2003 Tour de France. That'll show the bastards in Accounting...

Warmth and road bikes

The beginning of spring is my absolute favorite time of the year, save the beginning of fall. Everything greens up and blooms in a riot of color. The weather here is amazing with cool mornings that evolve into moderately warm temperatures. It's that magical arm warmer/knee warmer start to short sleeves/shorts finish kinda riding weather. Pure bliss.

The downsides of this time of year are the shockingly pasty white arms and legs of some of the people showing up for group rides. I contemplate wearing something other than clear lenses on my rides just to minimize the damage to my eyes from the glare coming off of my legs, but then again the difference between me tan and me pale is best described as an exercise in evaluating the varying shades of white at your local paint store.

The real bummer is rain. I just built up a new extra small Niner EMD for my wife, Golden. At 5'1", the idea of a 29" wheeled mountain bike seemed out of the question until Niner released this new size. I finished up the build Saturday evening (after a long day at Appalachian State University taking my comprehensive exams - just a month to graduation!) and we made loose plans to go for a family mountain bike ride on Sunday.

I woke up early (4 am?) Sunday morning to the sound of rain. "Heck, it's Sunday..." I thought, "I'm sleeping in." Woke up at 6 - raining. Woke up at 8 - raining. Woke up at 9:30 (when was the last time I slept past 8?...) - raining. Oh there were moments of promising sunshine off in the distance; parting of clouds to reveal blue skies, but never did the rain abate. Hard rain, slow rain, soaking rain, pouring rain, all the rains were on hand on Sunday. Golden looked out the window, ever hopeful; eager to get on her new bike. But it was not to be. All told, a little bit of rain isn't an insufferable price to pay for the wonders of Spring, but it would be great if the bad weather could confine itself to the times I'm sitting at work rather than my limited weekends...

vomitus maximus

After an awesome ride at Warrior Creek with Owen, Golden and Jeff, sickness hit shortly upon our arriving home. Owen rocked out an hour and a half on the trail and got to experience that sweet, deep, coma-like sleep that comes after a long and satisfying bike ride. We got home and Owen crawled into bed, still pooped. We called him to dinner and he got up, but hardly touched his food. He took a shower to get all the mud splatter from the trail off of him, and then went back to bed. At about 9:30, he showed up in the living room fire engine red, crying, and saying he didn't feel good. Needless to say, a 102 F fever and some vomiting later and we figured school was out of the question.

Monday, Golden stayed home with him and it was more of the same: fever, lethargy, nausea. I stayed home with him Tuesday and after a rough start to the day, he perked up and we actually got to enjoy what turned out to be the first real spring day of the year. How awesome were the warm temperatures, bright sunshine, cool breeze, and blooming flowers after a mild, yet no less depressing, winter?

Thanks to the time change and the break in the weather, it seems that the group ride season is fast upon us. Anticipate group ride announcements through the forum in the coming days. Not a member of the forum? Then go join so you can keep in the loop, add to the loop, loop de loop, etc...  In addition, we are putting all of our winter clothing inventory on sale! If it covers your knees, elbows, fingertips, or the top of your head (under your helmet) it's on sale! Let's hasten the demise of cold weather for the year!