Anticipation

I'm sitting in the Charlotte airport waiting to catch a flight to Switzerland. The shop won a trip to Switzerland for a corporate tour and to participate in the Gran Prix d'Alex Moos on August 1st (Swiss National Holiday) at the Interbike tradeshow last year. After a grueling selection process between Jeff and me, Jeff was originally awarded dibs, but has generously deferred the trip to me. This will be my first time out of the country (except for trips to Canada, which, let's face it, is a cleaner, nicer, cooler version of what the US could be) and to say I am excited is an understatement. I'm flying overnight to Frankfurt and then catching a plane to Geneva. The tour will take place on Thursday and then we will transfer to the Alps for the ride/race on Friday. There will be multiple hotels, restaurants and probably a healthy amount of German beer, since we will be in the German portion of the country. I will post pics and commentary as I can.

Several of you have asked for my thoughts on this years Tour and I have been contemplating it since it ended on Sunday. I have a lot of faith that the sport is lurching towards a dope-free future, but there are going to be some definite rough spots between now and then. I think that the strong performance of Garmin-Chipotle and Columbia have gone a long way to restoring some people's faith in the sport, but the outpouring of love and devotion to Ricardo Ricco show that cycling still has a long way to go.

David Millar was criticized by some for statements he made about Ricco, saying that he was "too good to be true". I don't think that Millar went far enough. Watch those stages that Ricco won. When you see the top riders in the world obviously riding at their limit and you see a rider right in the middle of them barely breathing hard, you're seeing doping in action. What's worse is that Ricco was an arrogant little prick and now there are reports that he may have begun doping at the age of 15. 15! Having just seen a bunch of wide-eyed juniors overflowing with energy lining up for our local crit series, I can't help but think about what may await them if they head over to Europe to pursue "the dream"...

For me, cycling is the same beautiful sport that I fell in love with 20+ years ago. I still remember running in the house from outside to watch Paris-Roubaix on ABC's Wide World of Sports. The Phil Ligget pre-written soliloquies, the John Tesh soundtrack, the way John Dockery butchered the pronunciation of every french town that the peloton passed through. Though I would come to learn that the spectre of doping hung thick and low over the riders in those days, I still hold strong to the idea that my heroes were clean. I'll never forget seeing Andy Hampsten sitting silently, holding his head in his hands at the end of an alpine stage of the Tour; coming to the realization that he wouldn't win the race... again.

We have come to expect the riders to be superhuman. In some ways we have made them become subhuman. We applaud their strength and cruelly hammer them when they show weakness. I long for the fragile hero, the quicksilver flash of brilliance that comes when I man finds some untapped power within himself and pushes to a new realm of pain and suffering. I yearn to see a rider throw it all out on the table in some hellbent-for-leather, go for broke attack that will spell everlasting glory or doom, like Icarus in his dash to the sun. I want a rider with passion and ethics.

I firmly believe that Andy Hampsten left the guaranteed success of La Vie Claire for the complete roll of the dice of 7-Eleven because he knew that you didn't have to dope to win. He said at the time that he wanted to do things his way and I believe that way was clean. Hampsten embodies the ideal of the Grand Tour rider for me and I saw that again this year with Christian Vandevelde. Vdv's 5th place was a confirmation for me of how things should be. Next year, instead of the top 10, Christian will hopefully be aiming for the podium.

Fin

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- A thrilling and dramatic finish along the Champs Elysees saw one last shakeup in the standings of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!". With the performances of Thor Hushovd and Robbie McEwan, DS John McMenemy's team was able to slip into the top 3 ahead of Charles Bennett's Team Far North.

The final podium of the 2008 Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!"

1st place - Howard Hesterberg, Team Birra Carolini
2nd place - Charles Hicks, Team High Life powered by Miller
3rd place - John McMenemy, Team Meatballs

Complete Results

LCFTdFpbUCDCfM Newsflash: Time trial may render final decision

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- With a huge victory in today's stage, Sylvain Chavenal moved Team Birra Carolini in to first place in the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!" DS Howard Hesterberg has shown the skill and savvy that he has gained over his long fantasy cycling career. While not a commanding lead, the odds are in Team Birra Carolini's favor as they have a deeper pool of talent for le contre la montre than Team High Life presented by Miller.

Current Standings

Queen stage proves no lady

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- French riders David Moncoutie and Sandy Casar put in phenomenal top 20 performances on Alpe d'Huez proved decisive in the standings of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!". Tomorrow's stage has not appeared on the radar of any reporters as being one of significance, but it seems like the kind of stage that could prove dangerous given the right aggression from the right rider.

Complete Results

LCFTdFpbUCDCfM Newsflash: Hard day in the mountains may cause difficulty for riders who can't climb well

Damiano Cunego denies rumors that he's ill prepared for the Alps today. Photo courtesy Jason Darden

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Today's difficult stage in the Alps could see another day of fireworks amongst the top GC contenders. A strong showing by french riders could spell upset amongst the teams contending the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!". Stay tuned for updates throughout the day.

Really tired guys rest after actually racing their bikes.

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- After a stage that some have described as the best day of racing they have ever seen, the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!" takes the day off. The top 6 are all in with a shout as they are all within less than a minute of the golden fleece.

The LCFTdFpbUCDCfM team competition has tightened up after the disqualifications of 4 riders for positive doping tests. Frenchman Sandy Casar has singlehandedly boosted the standings of several teams with a strong showing in the mountains.

While the French riders seem to be aggressive and are finding some success, they still have not performed at a level that would make recent criticism unwarranted.

Complete Results

LCFTdFpbUCDCfM Newsflash: A lot of guys go really fast in final kilometers. Really, really fast guy wins!

Lenoir, NC(LC Press)- Stage 14 is in the books and little has changed in the overall standings. Tomorrow's mountain stage should toss things up a bit. The biggest news is that Mark Cavendish looks like a man about to leave the race as he struggled to maintain contact today and was nowhere near the front at the end.

Complete Results

LCFTdFpbUCDfM update

Raise your hand if you're doping...

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- The Amoury Fantasy Sports Organization has officially declared all results by Moises Duenas, Ricardo Ricco, Manuel Beltran and Leonardo Piepoli void and has recalculated all results for affected riders. Further, a fine of 1 double iced Americano is levied against Team Not Caught Yet and Team Far North. It is not necessary for either team to completely withdraw from the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!" at this time.

Complete Results

More Manuel

"Dancing to rock around...
To rock around...
it's right on time
it's tricky.
It's Tricki, Tricki, Tricki..."

Unimportant action dominates stage

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Today's stage of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!" made little impact on the overall standings of the teams. As men of little consequence were given room for fleeting glory, the real players in this poker game on wheels marked each other and called as the bet came to them. In the coming days, we shall see these men throw "all in" in an effort to win the maillot jaune and distance themselves from the competition.

Moises Duenas, however, will not be in the mix as he has been very naughty with respect to illicit substances. Not only did he pop positive for EPO after the stage 4 TT, but a subsequent search of his hotel room found lots of things he shouldn't have possessed. Isn't it interesting though that we are seeing climbers getting doping positives for time trial stages. After targeting the 10 riders with suspicious blood values, 2 have now come up positive. Who will be next?

Complete Results

Rest day

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- The only thing guaranteed to be more boring than a Tour de France with Lance Armstrong racing in it is the Tour rest day. But in what has become a Tour that defies categorization, the rest day proved to be full of theatrics as well. Today, all 17 ProTour teams participating in the TdF announced that they would not renew their ProTour licenses. This sets up an interesting set of scenarios with regards to the current anti-doping crusade within cycling.

Firstly, a rider like Floyd Landis who serves his two-year suspension (ending in Jan. 2009) now finds himself capable of returning to the top end of professional cycling since the Pro Tour Code of Ethics banning riders from riding for Pro Tour teams is no longer applicable if there is no Pro Tour. Could Landis be spared banishment to the doper's purgatory of Rock Racing?

Second, in an effort to appear completely, 100% squeaky clean, above reproach, "this isn't about money, it's about integrity", anti=doping the teams shut out riders like Landis, who legitimately serve their two year suspensions and want to return to the sport. This would be incredibly bad and, one could argue, short-sighted given the extreme anti-doping stance of David Millar, a convicted doper who served his suspension and returned to the forefront of pro cycling.

Third, the whole sport comes crashing down and next July I'll have to content myself with play by play of Extreme Cage Fighting on Vs. Good god, I hope somebody does something to make everybody come to their senses before that happens...

Changing of the guard

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Team Far North leapt into 1st place on GC today after strong performance by Ricardo Ricco put him in both the maillot a pois and the maillot blanc. Strong showings by Ricco and Sandy Casar also gave Team Far North the stage win on Hautacam today. Team Baisez-vous! began their march to the top of the GC today with a strong second place showing in Hautacam.

*Reporter's note: a birthday celebration for Mike McClinton turned ugly as several directeurs sportif drank more liquor than would normally be advisable. Your humble reporter was definitely in the course de la tete and paid dearly for his efforts on Sunday. Thus, no posting until today.


Complete Results

Tricky, tricky...

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Howard Hesterberg continues to dominate the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!", in what is shaping up to be a wild and unpredictable race.

In other race news: Manuel Beltran became the first positive test in the Tour this year. If the B sample confirms the result, this will set Team Liquigas back a cool 100,000 euros in ASO fines. Beltran's positive nullified his placing in the fantasy race, moving frenchman Sandy Casar up to 35th place. Also of note, Team Basez-vous! lost half of their team with Christophe Moreau and John Gadret failed to make the time cut off and are now out of the race.

*Reporter's note: My apologies for the lack of daily reports. I have been in a secluded retreat, preparing for today's Grizzly metric century. Up until now, I have been adhering to a rigorous training schedule that focused on positive visualization and active rest. I felt it necessary to take a break from this regimen, clear the important chakras and detach myself from this physical reality in order to arrive at the line refreshed and ready. Now that The Grizzly is done, I can get back to my real fantasy job of reporting on fantasy cycling.

Complete Results

Huge win for Hesterberg!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- The sensations were more than good for Team Birra Carolini today as they approached the start ramp of the first individual time trial of this year's Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!" with all cylinders firing. Remarkably, all 4 riders for Team Birra Carolini placed in the points with Sylvain Chavenal earning an incredible 140 points for his performance.

True to form, Team Not Caught Yet has indeed been caught and passed by Birra Carolini for the top spot in the GC. Further danger is posed at the head of affairs by Team Crawford Complete Auto as they muscled their way into the top 3 on the GC.

Despite huge points gaps among the competitors, Birra Carolini's performance today shows that huge point gains are possible in a single stage and that this year's Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!" will continue to excite and delight with its remarkably volatile nature.

Complete Results

The 7th Seal

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Fantastically, improbably a Frenchman won the third stage of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men "For all your hard to reach hairy places!". Not only did a Frenchman find his way to the line before anyone else, but now a Frenchman has donned the maillot jaune. Could Romain Feillu be the next Bernard Hinault? Or is he the next Jean-Francois Bernard?

After this reporter's assessment of Team Crawford Complete Auto came out with all cylinders firing. Their stage win netted them 140 points, moving them into 4th place overall. DS Jason Darden did not react well to the criticism of his team, but his fire may have been the catalyst that his team needed.

Team Not Caught Yet is still leading the GC, but 3 teams are rising fast and now the difference between the top 4 teams is only 60 points.

Complete Results

Winkler maintains early lead, devasting team implosion likely

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- John McMenemy's Team Meatballs took an impressive win in today's stage of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!". However, the special classifications bonuses are proving to be the decisive factor in the General Classification competition as Team Not Caught Yet maintain their lead in the overall.

Directeur sportif Eddie Winkler's team is known for surprisingly fast starts, but their performances this year leave little doubt that their success is just a phase that they will soon ride their way out of.

Also of note is the meteoric downfall of Team La Negro as they shoot down the rankings. Having seen a glimmer of success in the opening stage, they have overcome this out of character performance and gotten back to their tried and true method of mindlessly turning the pedals as if out on a coffee ride. Perhaps they will stumble upon another successful performance at a later date.

Aging veteran DS Jason Darden also finds himself saddled with also rans as Team Crawford Complete Auto has yet to find any good sensations in their legs or anywhere else for that matter.

Not surprisingly, the all french team Baisez-vous! finds themselves in last place with a vengeance. While the press concentrates on the anti-doping efforts of such high profile teams as Columbia and Garmin-Chipotle pb H3O, Baisez-vous! may turn the tide and show the downside of all the anti-doping hysteria. Perhaps next year the french riders will get TUE's for lacking talent...

Complete Results

Tour underway

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- An unorthodox and nervous start to this year's Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all those hard to reach hairy places!", has already seen one French rider abandon. Herve Duclos-Lasalle lost a fight with a musette in the feed zone, breaking his wrist in the process. Frenchman Jerome Pineau got lost in the bunch and discovered himself at the head of affairs, netting himself an improbable 3rd place on the stage. Otherwise, things were decidedly ordinary as no other Frenchman managed to make it into the top 40.

As for the day's stage, Team Not Caught Yet has taken the lead in the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all those hard to reach hairy places!", despite being beaten for the stage win by Team Birra Carolini. Surprisingly, directeurs sportif Charles Hicks and Jeff Welch sit in 2nd and 3rd overall, signaling a reversal of fortune for their teams which have, thus far this season, sucked.

In other news, the Amoury Fantasy Sports Organization announced today that 100 points would be awarded to any team whose French rider wears the maillot jaune. Further, they announced harsh fines for any team who has a rider test positive during the Fantasy Tour. If a fantasy team loses a rider due to a doping violation, the directeur sportif must pay a fine of one (1) double-iced americano with cream. Their hope is that this will make directeurs sportif "think twice" before allowing a suspicious rider on the fantasy team.

Complete Results

Fantasy Tour de France entry deadline extended

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- The Amoury Fantasy Sports Organization has announced that the deadline for team entries in this year's Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Depilatory Cream for Men, "For all your hard to reach hairy places!", has been extended to midnight tonight. There are currently 11 teams entered.

Independence Day

Each summer since we have lived here, Golden and I have had some big thing planned for each summer. Cross country road trips occurred a couple of times, but mainly we have been staying closer to home and concentrating our efforts on big home improvement projects. The one constant of our summers in Lenoir has been that I usually do something pretty stupid, but manage not to do any permanent damage to myself.

This summer is no different. The big project, currently underway, is building a new porch on the side of the house. Now the old porch and me... let's just say we have some history. Ever since the porch tried to kill me, I've had it in for it.

It was July 4th, about 3 or 4 years ago. G and I had gone for a 3ish hour ride, planning to grill steaks and drink beer and generally enjoy the holiday. We got home, put up the bikes and decided that she would shower, while I got the grill started.

Now, let me preface by saying that I am a long time devotee of gas grills, so our new charcoal grill was a bit of a new experience for me. I put in the briquettes and tried to light them. No go. I tried to use kindling a la campfire starting. No go.

For anyone who knows me, it probably isn't readily apparent that I am an analytical thinker who considers problems carefully before enacting a solution. So I considered my problem of how to start the charcoal without the use of lighter fluid, since I didn't have any and didn't especially want to make the trek to get any.

I remembered that I had Coleman stove fuel. You know the big gallon metal can of white gas. Owing to the fact that I have had an unfortunate incident with this very substance which nearly started a forest fire in the White Mtns. of eastern Arizona, I was naturally cautious about how to approach the proper use of the fuel in this situation.

I went down and got the can, brought it up to the porch where the grill was located and proceeded to pour a small amount into the cap of the metal can. I poured the fuel onto the charcoal and tried to light it. A little tiny, infinitesimal flame barely licked one of the briquettes . Now I thought to myself, "Just pour a little more on and it should be all good, but be CAREFUL!" So, I tipped the can up and just poured a dash of the gas onto the briquettes.

I distinctly remember watching the little tiny nothing of a flame grow very large and travel up the stream of gas towards the can in my hands. I distinctly remember thinking, "OK, don't panic. This isn't a problem. You can deal with this." There was now a flame at the opening of the can. I knew that the solution was to just set the can down, and put the lid on it to deprive the flame of oxygen and smother it out. I slowly put the can down, but somehow the bottom edge of the can caught in the space between two of the porch decking boards and caused it to tip over, spilling flaming, white gas all over my porch.

The neighbor across the street immediately yelled, "You got a far!" To which I thought, "No s*it, I'm in the middle of a burning lake of fire." I ran inside the house, yelling, "Call 911! Call 911!" Golden looked at me, fresh from her shower, and said, "What have you done?" in an eerie deadpan. I called 911 and got the firetrucks on the way.

I went back outside, where I discovered a small crowd of people had gathered in the hopes of watching my house burn down. One of them was my neighbor from a few doors down, who a co-worker of mine had always referred to as "Dumbass David". It is completely relevant to this story to tell you that David drove a riding lawn mower everywhere because he was no longer allowed to ride moped due to causing an accident to an ambulance while chasing fire trucks on their way to a call. In southern parlance, David is someone who would be referred to as "simple" and would usually have "bless his heart" uttered after his name. As in, "Oh you know David, bless his heart, didn't mean to run over that dog with his lawn mower."

David came right up to me and said, "Where's your hose?" Realizing pretty quickly that a probable pyromaniac of questionable mental ability was probably not anyone's number one pick for go-to guy in this situation, I said we should wait for the fire department to arrive. Sure enough, red trucks with lights and sirens come blasting down the street. A bunch of guys pile out, hoses are pulled out and I walk up to them and say, "It's a white stove fuel fire." Hoses go back up, chemical extinguishers come out and after about 30 seconds, I'm no longer barbecuing my porch.

The head guy from the fire crew came over to me and asked me what caused the fire. I replied, "I was doing something stupid." I like to think that the expression that flashed across his face was an appreciation of my blunt honesty, but I can't be sure. Needless to say, however, is that that was the day the porch tried to kill me and I swore that I would kill it first.

So now porch is torn off, but hidden by its decrepitude was a 10ft. section of rotten sill that ran from the front corner of my house to the midway point of the wall. I had no choice but to cut it out and replace it. This meant jacking up the corner of the house from underneath and then cutting the board out and putting a new one in. A touchy, tricky affair, but doable.

This brings me to an inescapable rule of carpentry in the Moore family: I will hit myself in the head (one of the balusters from the porch railing) and my Dad will, at the very least, bleed profusely from some wound that he is completely unaware of. So, here we are, father and son, carefully preparing to undertake this daunting task. We are prepared to stick the sawzall into the hole in the board and we get my Mom to do a final check to make sure we won't cut anything but the sill. Mom gives us the all clear from down in the basement and we start cutting.

If you have never used a sawzall, I highly recommend trying it out. Pick some unneccesary wall in your house and just cut a big ol' hole in it. It is immensely satisfying, I assure you. Anyway, we are cutting right along and we hit a little something and a spark jumps out. Dad stops cutting and we figure he must have hit a nail. He starts cutting again and my Mom runs out of the basement, yelling "Stop! Stop!"

Let me pause here and tell you that we have been trying, unsuccessfully, to kill my father for many years. Like the Terminator, nothing seems to phase him and his cutting through a 220 volt, live electrical wire with the sawzall, was no different.

It seems that my Mom giving us the all clear, was part of a grander master plan to, for once and for all, dispose of my Dad in an "accidental" way. We got the sill replaced, but now my Dad is truly convinced of his invincibility and my stove doesn't work until the electrician comes to rewire it.

So, enjoy your Independence Day! and don't do anything that I would do...

Tour kicks off this weekend!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Both the Tour de france and the more prominent and better known Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Uncle Chuck's Classic Depilatory Cream for Men, start this weekend. The most talented and hard working directeurs sportif have been working hard to finalize their rosters for this, the most important event in the cycling and fantasy cycling world.

But this wouldn't be a Tour de France (fantasy or otherwise) without a scandal and a small contretemps has already arisen for Charles Bennett and his Far North Team. Mr. Bennett tried to circumvent the new rule requiring at least 1 french rider per team by including the french-sounding Phillipe Gilbert on his squad. A warning letter was sent to Mr. Bennett by the FUCI, but he has yet to respond.

Other than the deception of Mr. Bennett, no issues have arisen from the team submissions and all riders are fit to compete for their respective teams. The deadline for team rosters is Thursday at midnight.

New Product Newsflash!

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We now proudly stock DZNuts chamois cream for your chamois-time pleasure! Pleasantly scented and slicker than snail snot, DZNuts is designed for LOTS of time in the saddle.



From the packaging:

Proper MAINTAINTANCE of the perineal area is essential during high level training and racing. Nothing can ruin stage race success faster than an infected saddle sore.

It truly is time to wet your chamois with excitement!

Outer Banks Headwind Tour

I'm finally recovered enough and back in the swing of non-vacation life enough to write about our trip. We took off from Manteo, not knowing how Owen would respond to doing A LOT of miles in the trailer and not knowing how he was going to take camping in a tent for a week. Both things he took completely in stride and never had an issue, other than thinking the tent was a little play room and wanting to do crawling laps all over mom and dad when they were ready for sleep.

We battled STRONG headwinds and heat from Manteo all the way to Ocracoke. If you ever need to get strong in a hurry, tow a baby trailer behind you into a headwind for a few hours a day. I had to tell myself I was being belgian by pulling into the wind all day, every day and the trailer just amplified that feeling.

We had a great time, played in the ocean and on the beach, saw lots of boats plus 3 lighthouses, ate some great seafood and enjoyed an awesome tailwind all the way home!

We have a winner... finally!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- After much deliberation in which both the FUCI and FADA did eveything they could in order to figure out a way to disqualify him, DS Jack Brown's Team Mahagoff has won the Luna Cycles Fantasy Dauphine Libere presented by Chuck L's Old-Fashioned Brown Eye Ointment.

The Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France is gearing up and FUCI president, Julian Pomme de Terre has released a statement outlining the rules for this year's race:

Because the Tour de France is a french race, we require that every team, in addition to having their usual 3 riders, must include a fourth french rider on the team. This french rider will be scored differently from non-french riders in that scoring will be for a finish in the top 40 on the day's stage. A win by a french rider will be worth 200 pts. as opposed to the 100 pts. given for non-french riders. The points scale will be adjusted accordingly from there. Teams whose points totals for the days stage are in the top 3 for that stage will also receive a point bonus a la the Dauphine. Point bonuses of 50 points will be given for every day that one of your riders wears the maillot vert, blanc or maillot a pois, but not for the maillot jaune. This should prove to be an exciting race, so teams will not be allowed to have more than two riders in common. In the event that more than two riders are shared, the team that submits their roster first will have precedence and the other will be informed to resubmit. All team rosters will be due the Thursday prior to the start of the race.

Final Results

I'm out

Sorry for the delay in scoring the Dauphine. Ever since 3 frenchmen made a break stick and Tom Boonen tested positive for cocaine, I've just been out of sorts. To put things right, I'm leaving for a bike tour of the Outer Banks in about 5 hours. I'll sort out the mess of the Dauphine when I return and our ignominous winner will be duly crowned and heckled!

Disaster!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- An unthinkable stage ending resulted in all but one team being shut out of the top 10. Team High Life presented by Miller racked up big points with a runaway stage victory with a 45 point differential to the rest of the teams.

In other news, Ricardo Cabeza, head of FADA, has issued a statement in reference to recent allegations against GS Spurtschnookers and Team Birra Carolini.

After investigating recent allegations, FADA has determined that there is no evidence of widespread doping within GS Spurtschnookers and Team Birra Carolini. After conducting surprise inspections at rider's homes, we are satisfied that there is no systematic use of orange juice and cat urine in order to boost athletic performance. While most riders had several cats as pets and had small orange groves in their backyards, these things do not constitute evidence of doping. We must now turn our attention to the fact that there were 3 french riders who crossed the line first in today's stage of the Dauphine. Come on, a french rider winning a stage is suspicious enough, but the top 3? That's got doping written all over it.

Complete Results

Day 3 Dauphine surprise

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Little success among the teams is keeping things close. Team Mahagoff still leads, but the point differentials aren't enough to say there is anybody walking away with this one... yet.

In other news, Julian Pomme de Terre, head of the UFCI has announced that an investigation is being opened regarding allegations that both GS Spurtschnookers and Team Birra Carolini are involved in a performance enhancement drug ring. An unidentified witness has testified to FADA that both teams have been using a new substance made from orange juice and cat urine. Ricardo Cabeza, FADA commissioner, was unable to be reached for comment at press time.

Complete Results

The Dauphine begins

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- After a red eye flight direct from the French Riviera, I have arrived just in time for the prologue of the Dauphine Libere. Team Mahagoff scored a big win by landing the first 3 places in the prologue. The race is on and bonus points could prove a big deciding factor in this short 7 stage tune-up for the Tour de France.

Complete Results

Getting in gear

thanks Bobkestrut











As I sun myself beside the cool, azure blue waters of the Mediterranean, I can't help but reflect on the epic, hard fought battles of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream. As the directeurs sportif make preparations for le grand boucle in July, they must now turn their attention to the Luna Cycles Fantasy Dauphine Libere. Due to the anti-doping crusade of both the FADA and UFCI, little notice is being given to teams of this upcoming race. To that end, entries for this race are due to me by 8am EST on June 8th. The format for this race is slightly tweaked from the Giro. Choose 3 riders. They will be given the usual points based on their finish in the top 20. In addition, there will be point bonuses of 20 pts, 10 pts and 5 pts to the top 3 teams of that day's stage, based on placing points. This is a test run of one of the scoring changes for the upcoming Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Chuck L's Old-Fashioned Brown Eye Ointment. Get those entries in tout suite!

Bottle caps fly as Fantasy Giro wraps up!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- As his team downed the classic Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream winner's bottles of Boone's Farm Strawberry Wine, DS Ron Swenson was able to reflect on how Team Shooting Star Racing was able to hold the maglia rosa all the way to the finish.

Shooting Star Racing would like to thank the organizers of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream for putting on a great race. We are honored to have won this first edition of the Giro against a first rate field and anticipate an equally exciting Tour de France in July. Our team is savoring this victory now and will begin preparing for a defense at the Tour. We have no comment at this time about the "points for prostitutes" scandal or the alledged accusations leveled at officials regarding scoring inconsistencies.

Director Sportiff - Shooting Star Racing

Ron Swenson

The UFCI released a statement congratulating Swenson and his team.

We are sincere in our congratulations to Team Shooting Star Racing for showing that a team can win without resorting to the immoral tactics that lesser talented teams have come to rely on. We look forward to seeing Mr. Swenson try to win the Luna Cycles Fantasy Tour de France presented by Chuck L's Old Fashioned Brown Eye Ointment in July.

Julian Pomme de Terre, Director UFCI

Another hotly contested prize was sewn up by DS Jeff Welch's team as they scored zero points in their 12th stage of this 21 stage race. This truly remarkable performance earned Welch the coveted maglia nero. It remains to be seen if Welch plans on trying to capture the lanterne rouge in July.

John McMenemy's Team Cheeseballs and DS Todd Braswell's team took 2nd and 3rd respectively. Congratulations to all of the competitors for a hard fought race.


Final Results

Brutal day ahead

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Today's stage did little to change the standings of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream. Braswell's stage win of 100 points did little to close the gap on Team Shooting Stars as they earned 97 points on the day.

Tomorrow will be a day of fireworks as the race will cross the Passo del Gavia, Cima Coppi and will finish on the infamous Mortirolo. Expect serious fireworks from Ricco, DiLuca (il killer de Spoltore) and maybe even Simoni. Contador's lead is slim at best and everyone will be gunning to gain as much time on him as they can to offset any deficits they may incur on Sunday's final stage time trial.

This will be a stage worth watching live. If you don't have cycling.tv there are still ways to get the live feed. Check this site out for free live feeds!

Complete results

Welch all but locks up maglia nero

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- While the battle to win this year's Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream is still way up in the air, DS Jeff Welch has all but ensured his quest to win the battle at the other end of the GC: the maglia rosa or numero nero. While winning the GC takes determination, strength and luck, those riders who find themselves in contention to be the last placed slot on the GC must use wit, cunning and guile to win the race for last. A stunning stage win by DS Charles Hicks' Team Straightouttamyass has wrecked his chances to be in contention for the coveted black number and handed apparent victory to Welch.

In other news, Team Far North has become deeply embroiled in scandal as they have admitted to receiving to many points for their performance in stage 17. Earlier today, Bennett released this statement:

To further enshrine the spirit of competition and sportsmanship I would like to point out that FADA was simply doing their job, though I would ask that testers not report all the extracurricular activities they may have witnessed at the hotel. I would like to further solidify my popular place in UFCI history by reporting that, once again, there have been scoring errors made with team Far North for stage 17. Though these scoring errors will certainly spell my doom come this weekend, I feel it necessary to 'ride clean'.

Charles Bennett, DS - Far North

An internal investigation by the UFCI has revealed that there may have been collusion between Bennett and several UFCI officials in a "points for prostitutes" setup. The UFCI would not release the names of the implicated officials, but has assured the press that they are no longer officiating the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream. No sanctions have been made against Team Far North as the UFCI is likely to try to discretely put this matter to rest.

The battle for the overall win begins tomorrow as the roads turn upward for the final weekend of the race. All eyes are on DS Todd Braswell as he looks to be poised to unleash fire and brimstone in a bid to win it in the mountains.

Complete Results

Open letter

Dear lady who honked her horn at me for over a mile,

I wish we could have had more of a discussion about the rights of cyclists on the road in NC. Since you seemed so disinterested in what I had to say ("You just shut up!", seemed to be your favorite thing to say. Except for "You're going to Hell!!" which was easily your most uttered phrase.) Since you didn't want to hear what I had to say, I would like to clear up some things that may have been causing you so much distress.

In NC

































I understand you were late for your doctor's appointment, but I would like to point out that you wasted a lot of time riding behind me laying on the horn and passed up several opportunities to safely pass by and go about your merry way.

I hope you have pleasant driving experiences in the future and I suggest repeating the following mantra: "Cyclists are friends, not obstacles."

Thanks!

p.s. I apologize for asking you how that $3.90 a gallon gas is treating you, but if you would like to give bike commuting a try I know a great bike shop that can help you get started!

Dyer dances with glory, Bennett drained

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - Team Low Road scored a subtle victory over Rising Star and Team Cheeseballs, moving himself into 3rd overall. Thursday's stage will be the last before the seriousness sets in, the roads tilt up and the contenders go for broke.

In other news, Team Far North was visited by FADA (Fantasy Anti-Doping Association) representatives at 4 am in their hotel. Blood samples were taken and tested from the team and the hotel rooms were searched. No illicit activity was found. FADA President, Ricardo Cabeza, made a statement to the press stating that FADA had merely conducted a routine, surprise inspection. He emphatically denied the rumor that the inspection was conducted as retaliation for recent press statements made by Team Far North's DS Charles Bennett with regards to scoring discrepancies from Stage 15 of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream.

Complete Results

Braswell makes it a triple

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Brawell's team has made it 3 stage wins in a row and he has now moved into 3rd overall in the GC. Tomorrow's rest day will be a good chance for the top riders to decide their next course of action. Friday and Saturday's stages will be the last mountain romps and will see the final maglia rosa taken.

Complete Results

Two for two in the lofty reaches of the atmosphere

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Todd Braswell's team made it two in a row with another stage win today. This now moves The Chosen into 4th place on the GC and they are rising like a rocket towards the podium and a possible maglia rosa. Ron Swenson once again took the overall lead with strong showings by Contador and DiLuca, but Ricco and Simoni paid off huge dividends to Braswell. The next few mountain days could provide a turbulent outlook for the GC.

Secure in the lantern rouge position, DS Jeff Welch is all but assured a coveted last place finish in the overall GC at the end of this year's Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream.

Complete Results

The Chosen tem scores big in first ascension into the heavens

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- DS Todd Braswell took a much needed stage win in the first true test of this year's Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream. The stage also brought a shake up in the GC as Team Low Road vaulted from 3rd to 1st overall.

Complete Results

McEwan misses, Bennatti blazes

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Max Dyer's new sponsors at Lick Log Biological Testing Labs may have given Team Low Road the extra oomph needed to win today's stage in the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream. A huge 230 point victory has brought the top 3 GC teams within 64 points of each other.

Meanwhile, the other teams are languishing further and further behind. The coming mountains may be the key to a wholesale change in the overall standings. Friday's stage will be the last romp for the sprinters for a while and, as DiLuca has stated, the real Giro starts Saturday.

In other news, it has been rumored that Chuck L's Mangina Cream may seek an injunction against Dave Zabriskie to prevent the sale of his new line of chamois creams, DZNuts. It is unclear at this time what the legal justification for this action is, but we can only speculate that Chuck Luddeke, owner of Chuck L's Mangina Cream, is afraid of losing market share to Zabriskie due to the inherent coolness of the product's name.

Complete Results

All quiet on the Italian Front

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- A tie between the 1st and 2nd placed GC teams for today's stage meant little change in the order of the standings. While the gap to 1st and 2nd place widened a bit, the gap between 1st and 2nd remained the same.

There are two days for the sprinters before the roads soar skyward. Saturday will be brutal, but Sunday's stage looks set to be agonizing. Those teams stacked with sprinters may find themshttp://www.blogger.com/img/gl.link.gifelves riderless after the mountains. Time will tell...

Complete Results

The gap widens

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- A big win by DS Charles Bennett's Far North Team was not enough to wrest the GC lead from Ron Swenson today. Swenson's lead now stands at over 100 points on second place. The DS's need to do whatever it takes to get their GC contenders to put up some big numbers or Swenson will walk away with this one!

Complete Results

Scandalo!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Max Dyer took a huge stage win today, racking up an astonishing 210 points and moving himself into 2nd place in the GC. Cleared of doping charges just a month ago in the Luna Cycles Fantasy Paris-Roubaix, Dyer's finish today might be viewed by some as simply a remarkable result by a remarkable team. The second place stage finish by Dyer's former team doctor now directeur sportif of Team Cheeseballs, John McMenemy, has raised eyebrows amongst fantasy cycling's top officials.

While no charges have been leveled or even discussed, the officials in charge of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream have assured the tifosi that this year's edition is totally clean and they restated their zero-tolerance policy for doping.

Amongst the long time reporters of this Grand Fantasy Tour, the opinion most shared was that today marked a solid performance by the sprinters. The widely held belief was that any rumors of doping were unjustified and took away from the hard work put forth by the riders today.

Tomorrow brings a much needed rest day before Tuesday's individual time trial. Discussions amongst the team directors show David Millar as the odds on favorite for a stage win. A strong showing by the overall favorites could shake up the GC profoundly. DS Ron Swenson will be able to relax after today's successful defense of the maglia rosa knowing that tomorrow the jersey will remain his without a fight.

Complete Results

Birthday brouhaha brings bicycling brilliance for Darden!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Placing 2 riders in the top 3 and having a third rider finish in the top 20 of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream brought much needed smiles and points to GS Spurtschnookers directeur sportif Jason Darden on his birthday. His tally of 175 points on the stage brought him a narrow stage victory over DS Todd Braswell who posted a not quite good enough 170 points on the day.

Having languished in the basement since the start of the race, Darden has pulled himself back in with a shout and now lies in 6th place overall. The whole standings have taken a dramatic change-up and DS Ron Swenson's formerly staggering lead has now been whittled down to a tenuous margin. DS Todd Braswell's 2nd place performance today was enough to move him into 2nd place overall with a gap of just 48 points to the maglia rosa.

In further news, DS Jeff Welch's gambit of stacking his team with young up and comers has not fared well and he has now fallen back to the lanterne rouge position. Could the broom wagon be looming large for this team?

Complete Results

The long and winding road

Some of you have noticed my posting from far afield these last few days. I have spent the last four days on a bus trip with the Early College freshmen to the Outer Banks of NC. I just got home and am exhausted. Rest assured that I have not made my fortune in either the bike business (Ha!) or teaching (HA HA!) and retired to a secluded beachside bungalow. Besides, the mountain biking looked pretty nonexistent and the road riding opportunities seemed to be confined to a single road. Who would leave our little bit of cycling paradise for that? Although surfing looked pretty cool...

Swenson savors sweet success!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - Shooting Star Racing had another perfect day in the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream. By claiming the stage victory with a huge 90 point day, DS Ron Swenson has once again taken the maglia rosa with a substantial 83 point margin over second place. This strong team looks to be asserting itself as a major factor as today's stage saw a throwdown of sorts from the major figures in this year's race.

As the true contenders assert themselves, those teams heavy on sprinters and other stagiere opportunists may find themselves slipping out of contention with no real hope of recovering. Other teams just need to have riders place in the top 10 instead of the top 20 to make a go at the lead in the GC. It seems that now the directeurs must rely solely on the fates and fortunes of their most mercurial team members: the pure climbers and the GC contenders. The next few days may very well see a winnowing of the wheat from the chaff.

Complete Results

The mad scramble continues

Beaufort, NC (LC Press)- The lead in the GC of the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia has switched yet again. In what is quickly shaping up to be a battle amongst the sprinters on each team, chaos reigns in the overall battle for the maglia rosa. Taking the lead once again, Eddie Winkler is showing a no-holds barred attitude in placing his team firmly at the head of affairs.

A scoring mix-up from two stages ago has been corrected, but even this was not enough to rescue DS Jason Darden from the depths of despair. Despite his team having "good sensations" they were unable to pull off any meaningful placing today and managed to only garner 1 point from Paolo Bettini's 19th place finish.

The team sprinter's have not managed to rack up huge points in the last few stages, so it remains to be seen if the large point margins that the leaders now enjoy will be enough to fend off the charges of those teams that have placed their emphasis on climbers and time trialists. Several of the mid-pack teams may prove to be snakes lying in wait in the tall grasses of the Alps.

Complete Results

Sprinters robbed, dicey day for directeurs

Kitty Hawk, NC (LC Press)- Another day of movement and turmoil in the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream. DS "Redline" Ron Swenson seized his team's first maglia rosa with a mere 16 point gain in today's stage. Swenson now holds a tenuous 7 point lead over DS Eddie Winkler.

Many teams have been hit hard by the lack of consistency from their sprinters, while other teams are hoping for better performances as the roads tilt upward. The strategies are beginning to play out more like gambles, but there is still a lot of race left to be ridden.

GS Spurtschnookers are still languishing in the basement. DS Jason Darden may be seeing his career ending with a whimper in what could be his last Fantasy Giro d'Italia.

Complete Results

The switcheroo

Kitty Hawk, NC (LC Press)- A romp by the sprinters brought a much needed stage win to DS Max Dyer's team. Heavy on sprinters, this was the stage finish that Dyer needed to drag himself out of the basement.

Eddie Winkler's team still remains in the lead of the GC, but that lead is not out of reach of several teams. Another strong sprint stage could bring his lead to an end. Many teams now find themselves in a must win position in order to remain in the chase for the maglia rosa. DS Jason Darden, though blessed with years of experience, may be seeing hopes of glory in this race fading as he has come to own last place in the GC. A good result for this aging veteran would be a feel good result that would delight the tifosi'

Complete standings

Winkler regains lead in crash filled stage

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - Eddie Winkler has retaken the lead in the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream.

Complete results

Winkler wins, then washes out!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - Not since the spectacular implosion of Team 7-11 at the Tour de France in 1986 has a team gone from ecstasy to agony in so brief a time as DS Eddie Winkler's team at this year's fantasy Giro d'Italia. Saturday saw a dominant performance by the team in the most technical of cycling disciplines: the team time trial. With an impressive 1st, 2nd and 4th places in the TTT, Winkler took control of this year's fantasy Giro in commanding fashion. The elation would not be lasting...

Like Icarus, Winkler's team may have flown too high in yesterday's stage for today saw them humbly tumble back to Earth, exposed as the mere mortals that they truly are. Yesterday's stars failed to post a single rider in the top 20, and thus they fell from 1st to 3rd in the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream general classification.

The truly remarkable story of today was that of DS Todd Braswell's team. A respectable, but uninspiring effort yesterday by the team was nicely disposed of with an emphatic stage win today, vaulting the team from 10th to a tie for 4th in the general classification. The team now lies within 9 pts. of taking the 3rd position from Winkler's team.

Two solid performances by DS Jeff Welch's team have moved him into a remarkable lead of 30 pts in the general classification. Welch has obviously come to this years fantasy Giro with a singular goal of winning the overall in a display of pure dominance. He now has 19 stages left to prove himself.

Complete results

Fantasy Giro - TTT Quick Results

LC Press (Lenoir, NC) - Preliminary results are here. Full story to follow.

tick tock...

Giro team deadline is 8am tomorrow! Get 'em in!

Fantasy Giro d'Italia, scoring breakdown

Pick 3 riders. They will be scored as follows-
PLACE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

POINTS 100 90 80 70 60 50 40 30 20 15 10 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 1 1

Riders will only receive points for their stage placing. NO POINTS FOR GC OR ANY OTHER CATEGORY! Riders will receive points for the TTT based on the team's finish.

If you need further clarification, just drop me a line!

Homage to il pirata

Nobody rocks the pink jersey like an Italian and the one who stood out above the rest was Marco Pantani. The classic combination of Bianchi's trademark Celeste (a color that seems to go with every other color you put it with) and the fabled pink hues of the maglia rosa just ooze an italian sense of style that no other riders seem to be able to touch.

Let Marco remind you to get your Giro team picks to me by Saturday at 8am. Imagine him in that inimitable style: hands in the drops, standing up on the pedals in some insane gear and flying up improbably steep climbs, and now think of him chasing you down, screaming at you to get your team together!

Also, remember that Cycle to Serve is this Saturday at 8am. There will be a 40 and 60 mile route, so there's a little bit of pain to go with any rider's needs! And don't forget: top 5 finishers in each ride get a homemade cake. CAKE! And everybody gets to partake in a huge potluck lunch that is the best post-ride meal I've ever encountered. Beats the hell out of those off-brand sandwich cookies at the top of Grandfather Mtn. at the end of Bridge to Bridge!

Come out and ride the beautiful roads that we get to train on all the time!

Fantasy Giro d'Italia approaches

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - The tifosi are swelling with excitement in anticipation of this weekend's kickoff of the greatest Grand Tour of the season. Team rosters are being finalized, while some fantasy directeurs sportif are playing the waiting game and not releasing their rosters, presumably waiting until the last minute to do so.

By all accounts and armed with the rosters that have been posted, this year's fantasy Giro looks to be an epic contest of strategy and a true battle amongst the top fantasy teams in cycling today. Noticeably absent from the listings are the two men responsible for dominating this season's fantasy Ardennes classics: Howard Hesterberg and Max Dyer. Dyer was truly coy and cagey when confronted about finalizing his team roster, remarking, "I have until Saturday morning at 8 am." Other than a minor rules clarification, Hesterberg has been incognito. Could these two teams be tired from their incredible run at the final week of the classics season? Or will they pull another rabbit out of the hat and continue their dominance of the fantasy peloton?

Il Giro d'Italia di fantasia

The need for some rules clarifications in the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream has reared its head. Howard Hesterberg has correctly nailed the crux of the competition on the head: you choose 3 riders for the entire Giro, not 3 riders per stage. This is where the strategery comes into play. Since the riders are only given points for finishing in the top 20 of each stage and no points are given for any overall classification, you gotta make some tough choices to field the best 3 man team you can. *You do not need to be local to play! (I will mail you your prizes if you win!) Email your 3 man team picks to me by 8am est, Saturday, May 10th!

In a completely unrelated and nonfantasy sidenote, none other than President Bill Clinton came to Lenoir today to speak. This sort of thing would be a big deal anywhere, so the fact that he was a block from the bike shop and a 1/4 mile from my house makes it pretty cool. It is also pretty cool that the NC primary will actually mean something. Usually, things are pretty well locked up by May in the presidential primary season, but this one looks to be coming down to the wire! You know it's serious when they start posting primary results from Guam. I didn't even know they had a primary...

In other shop news, we are swelling with 2008 bikes! Just got in the new BMC Trail Fox long-travel full-suspension mountain bike, and the '08 BMC SL01 in the new stealth black-and-white paint scheme! Lots and lots of Specialized bikes are in, too, including Roubaixs and Tarmacs. Come check it out!

Fantasy Giro d'Italia

Il Giro starts on May 10th and so does the Luna Cycles Fantasy Giro d'Italia presented by Chuck L's Mangina Cream. The race format will be simple, yet like many "simple" games, there is a hidden degree of complexity.

So, the deal is this: you pick 3 riders. Those riders receive points based on their finish in the day's stage provided they are in the top 20. There are NO points for GC or any other overall competitions. Fantasy GC will be tallied daily. Prize list is being finalized this week, but the real reward comes from the spirit of competition!

Picks are due in my inbox by 8 am, Saturday, May 10th. Also, don't forget that May 10th is the day of Cycle to Serve, so come get your ride on!

Hesterberg hesitates, Dyer dominates La Doyenne

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - Max Dyer surged clear of the field to take Liege-Bastogne-Liege with panache and brilliance. Dyer surged clear of an elite group of three that included Jeff Welch and John McMenemy, as well. Dyer seems to have shaken off the anguish and pain of his untrue doping allegations after his Paris-Roubaix brilliance by bookending the last weeks of the classics season.

John McMenemy just nipped Jeff Welch at the line eeking out a slim 10 pt advantage. The rest of the field, including Howard Hesterberg, languished behind the three escapees. The gap proved too large to close, turning the remnants of this record-sized fantasy peloton to a field of also-rans.

Welch made a statement following the race expressing bitter disappointment at the waste of what he thought would prove to be the legs needed to win.

On the edge of Liege

Sean Kelly, 1984, Liege-Bastogne-Liege (from Bobkestrut)

The fantasy cycling peloton is all aflutter trying to make their picks for tomorrow's L-B-L. The cagey veterans are starting to feel the nerves, too. The second guessing going on right now over who could possibly still have the energy and the will to make it across tomorrow's finish line first is indescribable. It's like trying to figure out which pair of underwear to wear for your senior prom. Given the right circumstances, that decision could be life altering, so you'd better get it right.

To up the ante, Luna Cycles is pleased to announce that up for grabs to the winner of tomorrow's fantasy race is the just released Specialized Classics t-shirt. I haven't seen it yet, but Jeff assures me it is "badass". Mandatory drug testing will be in effect, so keep it clean! Good luck and get those picks in by 5am (John and Peter).

A bitter pill indeed

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - Still smarting from his near miss at Fleche Wallone, Ron Swenson has put in his picks for L-B-L. "I will be shattered if [Howard Hesterberg] pulls off the sweep that he predicted!" said the gutsy newcomer to the fantasy peloton. Hesterberg, along with many other fantasy cyclists have been keeping a low profile as they make final preparations for Sunday's race. While Swenson has shown the exuberance of youth by making his picks with 2 days still left before the race, it can only be assumed that the cagier and more experienced fantasy cyclists are taking their time to assess the toll that these past two weeks of racing have taken on the riders.

Max Dyer may be the dark horse favorite for this race. Still bruised and battered from defending himself against spurious doping allegations following his huge win of the fantasy Paris-Roubaix, Liege represents his last bid for redemption in this year's spring classics. Or is the lackluster performance that he turned in at La Fleche the sign that his Paris-Roubaix was a mere flash of brilliance in what may eventually be regarded as a banal and pedestrian fantasy cycling career?

Hesterberg repeats!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - He called his shot early this week coming off of a big win at Amstel Gold and now, Howard Hesterberg is now two-thirds of the way to sweeping this last week of the spring classics season. The fatigue of taking Amstel Gold in a near sweep of the podium must have taken a toll as the grand old man of the peloton just barely edged out Ron Swenson. Hesterberg could muster no better than a 4th and 5th place fantasy pick, but it was just enough to beat out Swenson's 4th and 6th place picks!

Next up is this Sunday's Liege-Bastogne-Liege, La Doyenne. This is the last of the Ardennes classics and has been contested since 1892. After this one, the classics season is pretty much drawn to a close. Get your picks in by 5 am Sunday morning! All eyes are on Hesterberg! Will he crack under the pressure?

Fantasy La Fleche

We need 4 more riders to make the field for tomorrow's fantasy Fleche Wallone! Howard Hesterberg has thrown down the gauntlet by stating his intention to sweep this final week of the major spring classics. Hving already taken Amstel Gold, he is one third of the way there! Entries due to me by 5am Wednesday morning!

Going big time

The official Luna Cycles website is now up and running! Check it out at www.lunacyclesnc.com

Huge win for Hesterberg!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- In a defiant show of experience, Howard Hesterberg has dominated this year's fantasy Amstel Gold race. The grand old man of the fantasy peloton placed an astounding 3 riders in the top 4. By picking Cunego, Schleck and Rebellin the "brewmeister" racked up an amazing 1st, 2nd and 4th place. The local fan base can breathe easy knowing that Hesterberg has passed the doping controls.

The strain of the past week's doping allegations showed in the performance of pre-race favorite, Max Dyer. In what initially looked like defiant show of force designed to wreak vengeance on those who had wrongfully accused him of doping, Dyer faded and could only muster 4th and 19th place. Newcomer John McMenemy showed flashes of brilliance, but came up short in the finale.

The next fantasy race will be La Fleche Wallone, this Wednesday. Email your 3 riders by 5 am Wednesday morning.

Free Dyer!

Lenoir, NC(LC Press)- Documents have just come into our possession which call into serious question the validity of fantasy cyclist Max Dyer's recent positive tests for doping. The documents show a string of serious and egregious testing errors in both methodology and protocol at the Hey Bo Muffler Shop and Drug Testing Lab, located in Lick Log, NC.

According to the leaked documents, Hey Bo had cut back on the use of its gas spectral chromatograph due to recent budgetary shortfalls. Instead of using the precision diagnostic equipment mandated by USADA and WADA, lab technicians were instructed to assess urine samples by sniffing them. If a urine sample was questionable, a "taste test" was used as the final determiner of a positive or negative result. According to one anonymous lab employee, technicians just flipped coins to determine whether a sample was positive or negative.

USADA has decided that it must drop all doping charges against Mr. Dyer, effective immediately. Dick Pound, former head of WADA and current board member of the Court of Arbitration for Sport released an unusually terse statement to the media: "I don't need proof to know that someone is a doper."

It is unclear at this time whether Mr. Dyer and his legal team have been made aware of this turn of events. Attempts to contact Mr. Dyer were unsuccessful.

Amstel Gold Fantasy Race

It's that time again! Send in your 3 rider picks for Amstel Gold by 5 am Sunday morning. We've got another Luna Cycles pro pack up for grabs. Scoring will be the same as Paris-Roubaix.

*due to recent doping scandals in the fantasy cycling peloton, we are pleased to announce our new partnership with the Agency for Fantasy Cycling Ethics. We are committed to ridding the fantasy cycling peloton of the scourge of doping and hope that you will join us in our committment to "Ride clean!"

Good luck!

Newsflash - Dyer clear to race!

Lenoir, NC (LC Press)- Before the "I Believe Dyer" and "Let Max Ride!" campaigns could even get started, an anonymous official within USA Cycling has leaked to the press that under the current anti-doping code, only cyclists and NOT fantasy cyclists can be sanctioned from competition. When contacted directly about this, USA Cycling issued a terse response confirming the anonymous report. This officially clears embattled fantasy cyclist, Max Dyer, for competition. This development paves the way for Dyer's participation in this weekend's fantasy Amstel Gold race.

While Dyer must still fight a legal battle to clear his name, he is currently clear to continue his spring fantasy classics campaign. This development may also bring him closer to closing the rumored deal with the Rock&Republic fantasy cycling team ahead of next month's fantasy Giro d'Italia.

Dyer implicates Mangina Cream

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - In the latest press release from fantasy cyclist Max Dyer, his previously defiant tone in the face of recent doping allegations has now given way to a more defensive one. Dyer has now implicated his use of Chuck L's Mangina Cream, a popular chamois cream, as the exogenous source of cholinesterase inhibitors in his A sample.


In what the press has now dubbed the "anchovy oil for drugs" affair, the case has now become very unclear with the accused cyclist all but confirming the positive result before the return of the B sample results. According to Chuck Luddeke, president and CEO of Chuck L's Mangina Cream, released this statement in response to Dyer's accusation:

Chuck L's Mangina Cream is an all-natural chamois cream made from the finest anchovies, cayenne pepper and our patented blend of 12 secret herbs and spices all mixed in a smooth shea butter base. It is utterly impossible for this product to cause a cyclist, fantasy or otherwise, to test positive. We unequivocally deny these allegations from Mr. Dyer and will do whatever it takes to defend ourselves. We are currently looking into what legal recourse we have in this matter and will refrain from any further public comment.

Repeated attempts to reach Mr. Luddeke at his private retreat deep in the Tyrolean mountains were unsuccesful.

In documents provided by Mr. Dyer's legal team, data has been provided that shows how anchovies who have two sets of DNA as the result of a "vanishing twin" anchovy can have abnormally high concentrations of cholinesterase inhibitors in their spinal columns. It is the contention of Dyer and his legal team that this is the cause of the A sample positive, not a planned doping program.

USADA today released the results of Dyer's B sample test. The positive B sample confirms the A sample positive and immediately sanctions Mr. Dyer from further fantasy cycling competition.

Dyer defiant, Ball confirms

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - In a statement issued yesterday, Max Dyer, embattled winner of Sunday's Luna Cycles Paris-Roubaix contest, defiantly stated his intentions to be confirmed as the true victor in the contest. Dyer also stated that he is currently in negotiations with Michael Ball of Rock Racing, but did not elaborate on what place he might have in that organization. Curiously missing from the press release was any denial of the charges leveled against him.

A local lab has leaked the positive results of Dyer's A sample for cholinesterase inhibitors, a drug which may have some effect on a rider's ability to see into the future. Called by many "a miracle of sports forecasting", Mr. Dyer's performance on Sunday showed him correctly picking the first 3 places in Sundays contest. USADA has declined comment on the case until the B sample test is completed.

In a telephone interview with Michael Ball, head of Rock Racing, he confirmed the negotiations between his organization and Mr. Dyer. "Are you kidding me? The guy picked the top three correctly, I mean, who wouldn't want a guy with those skills as a part of their team.", Mr. Ball stated. Rock Racing is currently looking at jumping into the fantasy cycling arena by fielding a Rock&Republic Fantasy Cycling Team. It is rumored that Dyer is being wooed as a potential directeur sportif for the upcoming Fantasy Giro d'Italia and this summer's Fantasy Tour de France. When pressed about trying to add yet another drug-scandal tinged cyclist to his organization, Mr. Ball remains defiant. "I don't care about the 'powers that be'. This is a team about winning and Max has shown he is a winner. We were partying at the Crazy Horse in Myrtle Beach just last week. The guy is all class and that's what Rock Racing is all about. I've got this 13 year old kid on the staff who is a total wiz with computers and excel spreadsheets and crap like that. You add Max to that kind of statistical firepower and magic is gonna happen!"

Newsflash

Lenoir, NC (LC Press) - The cycling world was rocked today by yet another doping scandal. Sunday's winner of the Luna Cycles Paris-Roubaix contest, Max Dyer, has returned a positive A sample. Declared the winner in Sunday's contest, Dyer chose the top 3 finishers on the days event, a result that seemed too astounding to be true.

An unidentified laboratory, deep in the woods of Appalachia has confirmed that Dyer's A sample has been found to contain unusually high concentrations of cholinesterase inhibitors, a class of chemical associated with Alzheimer's medications. Preliminary research has shown that high concentrations of these drugs in healthy people can cause temporary powers of divination (seeing into the future).

Dick Pound, former head of the World Anti-Doping Association and board member of the Court of Arbitration for Sport, stated that Dyer should be immediately sanctioned from the sport. He went on to say, "I hope Mr. Dyer is able to see into his own future, because I am going to pursue this case with the same ferocity as I have every other doping case in cycling!"

Luna Cycles has suspended the awards ceremony for Sunday's contest until after the B sample test confirms the positive result.

We have a winner!

Picture courtesy of home2.scarlet.be

Boonen stepped up and claimed the cobblestone trophy on Sunday. I haven't watched the race yet, but the bits that I followed online were exciting. My picks for the day were Boonen, Hincapie, Devolder. While they all figured in the top ten, it was not the best 3 rider choice for the day's contest. The winner of the Luna Cycles pro pack is Max "ghost-faced killah" Dyer. He chose Boonen, Cancellara and Ballan who just happened to finish 1-2-3 on Sunday. Congrats, Max! You can stop by the shop and claim your prize!

God save the Queen!

Sunday! Sunday! Sunday! Come see the hardest men in the pro peloton duke it out over the worst cobblestones in Europe!

Hell, yeah! The Queen of the Classics, l'enfer du nord, none other than Paris-Roubaix is happening this Sunday. Current weather predictions are for rain, so we should see another epic and classic running of this brutal race. This year features an additional 150 meters of cobbles, but remember folks, these ain't just regular old cobbled roads. Nope, these suckers were built by the Romans, as in Caesar. You think it takes a while to get a pothole fixed in your neighborhood? Think about having to deal with roads that haven't been resurfaced in a thousand years!

To celebrate this most exciting one-day race, I'm offering up a Luna Cycles Pro Package (t-shirt, water bottle and socks) to the winner of our little Paris-Roubaix Pick the Winners contest. Here's the deal:

Pick 3 riders. They will be scored as follows-
PLACE 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Points 100 90 80 70 60 50 40 30 20 15 10 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 1 1


Most points wins!

Tie breaker question: # of finishers (according to cyclingnews.com)

Email your picks and finisher # to me (must be in my inbox by Sunday at 5am est)

Must have at least 5 entrants to play, so spread the word!

Now go do your homework and email me your picks!

Enough with the weather, already!

Stijn Devolder takes Der Ronde de Van Vlaandren in the Belgian National Champion jersey!

The weather has been all over the map the past few weeks. Some days (inevitably days that I have time to get out on the bike) it has been cold, chilly, windy, rainy, wet and generally unfun approaching downright miserable. Then there have been brief sojourns into glorious springtime when you are warmed by a shining sun overhead and the birds chirp and sing in something out of a Disney cartoon. I'm ready for a more permanent spring. The elusive nature of pleasant weather has made the colder, grayer days that much harsher and I, for one, have had enough.

I do count my blessings that I am not in Belgium right now, staring down the barrel of the short, intense spring classics season that is now laid out upon the cobbles beckoning the flauhutes forward to glory (or disaster). Stijn Devolder burst out of the chaos to show that Quickstep are more than just a two-trick pony (Bettini and Boonen) to take the Tour of Flanders with panache (read more about it here). He is all set to give the peloton a good what-for in tomorrow's Gent-Wevelgem. The true gem, though, comes this Sunday with l'enfer du nord, Paris-Roubaix. The weather forecast is pointing towards classic Roubaix conditions:rain, mud, possible snow. There are some big men who are showing they are in with a shout: Boonen is claiming to have lots of power and the ability to win without the race coming down to a sprint; Magnus Backstedt is powering his way over the cobbles and claims that his form is coming along perfectly; even George Hincapie is showing glimpses of the right form for the cobbles in what can arguably be called his last legitimate shot at winning the Queen of the classics. Stay tuned...

Things have been pretty weather dependent around the shop. When the weather is good we're busy, when the weather is less than pleasant we're working on the bathroom (the soon to be unveiled, fully remodeled Taj Matoilet!). As a way of making room for Spring stuff, we are closing out all of our '07 and winter clothing for 20% off! We are also making an offering to the weather gods by putting all shorts and gloves on sale for 10% off! So something for the season that is passing and something for the season that is (hopefully) coming!

Last, but not least, get out and ride! Tuesday/Thursday rides are leaving at 5:30 and Saturday rides are leaving at 9am. Jeff and I have been doing some mtn. biking at Dark Mtn/Overmountain Victory and I think it is close to time for doing some Wilson's Creek mtn. biking. Give us a call or stop by the shop if you are interested in joining us for some fun in the dirt!

It's coming...

Paris-Roubaix is coming. If you have never seen it, you have no idea what you are missing. It is a race that can only be appreciated in terms of suffering and tragedy. It is a race that no amount of training and dope can ensure a finish, let alone a victory. I know many cyclists who dream of being Lance Armstrong and winning the Tour de France, but for me, my dream was to FINISH Paris-Roubaix.

There are not many moments in your life that can be recalled with crystal clarity, especially with the distance of time, but I can tell you what I was doing 2 weeks after Easter, 22 years ago. I was watching this:



on CBS Wide World of Sports. That cheesy John Tesh music still makes my heart beat faster with the thrill of bike racing. You think cycling is obscure now, try the 80's. The cyclists I hung around all seemed to be in on a big secret that nobody else knew about. All I know is that I fell in love with cycling watching Sean Kelly win the Paris-Roubaix. My friend Jason loves Kelly to this day, but back then he worshipped him. He emulated everything he could about Kelly (except for the atrocious position on the bike). I emulated Andy Hampsten who seemed like doomed quicksilver from the moment he set foot in Europe, but managed to win the Giro d'Italia in such an epic way that no one will ever forget it. I long for the less antiseptic racing of that era and Roubaix still offers glimpses of that greatness.

Early season inaction

Saturday was the first race of the season for me. A nice little road race near Albemarle. A nice rolly course, but with some seriously narrow roads that would make moving around pretty difficult.

I toed the line as one of the biggest non-threats in the peloton. Few could fathom how indecisive a role I would play in the days events. All went well as I rolled around, until the 500m mark. The moto official rode up the left side of the group and warned some riders to watch the yellow line. A flick, a touch and a little cascade of riders started breaking my way. I tried to avoid it but just couldn't. A biggish guy came right across my line. I caught him square, went over the bars, and somehow caught his top tube across the shins. With a presence of mind that reflects my experience, I chose to tuck and land on the big guy and surf him rather than the pavement. At this point in the crash cycle I began laughing loudly. We came to a stop, me laughing, big boy looking shaken and another guy faintly going "Unhhhhhhh" and clutching his arm to his chest in the international sign for "I have messed up and broken my collarbone."

Well, who'd a guessed you could crash in a Cat IV race for no good reason? Well, color me surprised! I ripped a hole in my new shorts, but no scrapes. The bonus is that I have definitively proven that my left shoulder is the heaviest part of my body. Throw me up in the air and I'll land on it first every time. I'm sore directly underneath a big scar from another road racing crash which is right on the point of collarbone that sticks up from my shoulder separation suffered during a mtb race many years ago. I've guess I'll have to do another one soon just to redeem myself...

In the "Will the idiocy never stop" department, check out the latest EPO scandal to rock the european sports world here. WTF indeed.

Your voices were heard!

Thank you to all of you who emailed and called to voice your concern over the incident involving Todd Brawell! Also, thank you to Lenoir Chief of Police Joey Reynolds for taking our concerns seriously enough to meet with Jeff first thing this morning at the shop. But the real attention should focus on Todd's interaction today:

I just wanted to let everyone know that I also have been contacted
by the Chief this afternoon. We had a very positive and lengthy
discussion about this matter. It is obvious that our voices have been
heard on this issue. The chief mentioned several times about all the
calls and emails he has recieved over this issue. I told him that the
cycling community feels strongly about this issue. I explained to him
that my issue wasn't seeing someone "get a ticket" but that I was
very concerned that this sets a very dangerous precedent. The chief
explained that even in automobile accidents they do not always cite.
I do not think this is a wise policy but it is the policy
nonetheless. He did go on to say that in all accident cases a report
is filed which shows the "contributing factors" to the accident. In
other words it declares "fault" in a round about way. I asked had
that report been filed in my case and did it show fault. He said he
would pull the report. I also asked if I could have a copy. I
explained that I thought a declaration of "fault" would be a step in
the right direction. Within 10 minutes I had the report delivered to
the church office. It does indicate that the driver of the
vehicle "failed to yield the right of way." I feel much better about
this situation after talking with the chief, receiving the report,
and seeing how they responded to this issue after so many voiced
concern. I ended the conversation by assuring the chief that I
support the very difficult work they do in law enforcement and that I
appreciated him contacting me personally. Thanks to all who voiced an opinion in this issue. Your voices were heard loud and clear.

Todd

Chief Reynolds voiced some concerns with Jeff in their meeting this morning that I would like for us all to address. Let us be very clear in acknowledging the support that the Lenoir Police Department and Chief Reynold in particular have shown towards cycling and cycling events in our community. The police department has always been helpful and courteous whenever we have approached them with regards to an event. One thing that was foremost in the conversation was the question posed by the police, "What would you like us to do?" This seemed to be posed in a way as to what would we ,the local cycling community, hope to gain from voicing our concerns in this matter. That is a big, weighty question...

Jeff and I have both had friends who were killed by drivers who "didn't see" the cyclist that they ran over. In all of these instances, the cyclists were obeying the laws and were killed by drivers who were guilty of some minor traffic infraction, such as failure to yield the right of way. I would hope that by our vocalizing concern for how this situation was handled, that the police department might take these "minor" traffic infractions a bit more seriously. It is important for all of us to realize that the only protection that we have while riding is from the code of safe conduct that is embodied by the traffic law. I hope that the message we gave to the police department is how disheartening it is to feel that the apparent protection of the law might not really be there for us. I for would like to see our voices of concern heard now by those who are charged with protecting our safety, rather than having to wait for more sorrowful circumstances. For me, ghost bikes are too late.

We are all loved by someone, be it our parents, spouses, children or friends. We all deserve to be safe. We all deserve to be seen.

Let Chief Reynolds know that we appreciate his attention to our concern and that we hope to maintain a meaningful dialogue with the Police Department over matters of cycling safety.

WTF

I have been putting this post off in the hopes of having a nice ending for it, but that ship has apparently sailed (for the time being). Last week, everyone's favorite bike ridin' preacher, Todd Braswell, had the unfortunate experience of being hit by a car while riding his bike to work at Lower Creek Baptist Church.

Todd was in the middle turning lane on Hwy 18 waiting for traffic to pass in order to turn left onto a side road. A car was at the stop sign of this side road waiting to make a left turn on to Hwy 18. Traffic cleared and Todd began to make his turn. The driver at the stop sign initiated his turn at the same time and hit Todd. Todd was lucky in that his injuries were minor. However, the police officer who responded to the accident decided not to cite the driver of the car because the driver stated that "he didn't see" Todd.

This is a very bad situation. It is my (and many others) firm belief that had this been two cars, a citation would have been written. What the driver in this situation did was fail to yield the right of way to another VEHICLE. Todd was lucky, but we must do everything in our power to voice our concern over this situation. We can't let the precedent be set that as long as a cyclist isn't too badly injured it's okay to hit them with your car. We must BE VOCAL!

Cycling is very popular in our area. We have two major cycling events that bring 500 to 800+ riders each to this area. Cycling is closely associated with our area and contributes a great deal of money to our local economy. We must preserve the safety of our roads.

Get involved.

1. Write a letter to the editor of the New Topic (Here is the contact link)

2. Email the Lenoir Chief of Police, Joey Reynolds (also a cyclist):
jreynolds@ci.lenoir.nc.us

3. Email the Sheriff of Caldwell County:
ajones@caldwellcountync.org

Don't take this lying down! Let your voice be heard!